Machete

So, that little grindhouse flick that was shadowed by Stallone’s The Expendables turned out to be something completely outrageous that knows no limits. A perfect dose of trash and self-awareness. Trejo! Seagal! Alba! De Niro! Fahey! Lohan! Rodriguez! Rodriguez! While The Expendables fool around… (27.09.2010)

Machete, Machete, Machete! I can’t stop thinking about that scene where Machete takes down the security guards, walks into the house, and then hooks up with both the wife and daughter of his enemy—with epic music playing in the background. Honestly, Machete sleeps with pretty much everyone in this movie, and at times it feels like it’s about to turn into a softcore flick. But then, boom, the action kicks in, and you never get bored. I was worried at first—I’m not usually into these over-the-top 80s-style action parodies—but Machete is different. It’s different because of the cast, the music, and the crazy ideas. In every way, it’s a blast. I knew this was all ridiculous, but I still had a great time. Every time Danny Trejo was on screen, I was hooked. Same with Steven Seagal (or his belly in that puffy jacket) and Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez. It’s got the pace, the action, and it never lets up. Robert Rodriguez makes some wild films, but this one has style. I knew exactly what I wanted from it, and with the fun cast and killer soundtrack, I’m giving it four stars. (06.11.2010)

They should have stuck with the fake trailer. It serves up imaginative action and catchphrases in every other scene, but the whole thing is kind of... sterile. And boring at that. Lost among the geysers of stylishness is a plot that needed to draw us in more and give us more insight into the characters. I know, it’s all about a slightly different genre and intelligence rules, but even when you have one of the ugliest people running around between Hollywood and Mexico in the lead role, you expect the fun to be a little more serious, or conversely, a little crazier. Like Planet Terror. (29.09.2010)

The star of Machete is neither Danny Trejo – Machete nor even Danny Trejo – Gardener. I acknowledge that this guy has cult status as an acting legend of one particular subgenre, but that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t know how to act. He only knows how to grimace. The true stars of Machete are the numerous and superbly cast villains, among whom any viewer can find the right “badass motherfucker” of their choice. For me it was Don Johnson hiding behind a pair of huge sunglasses. I also liked Steven Seagal, who truly relished his part. 2010 seems to be the year of good old (or obsolete) action heroes. Robert Rodriguez conceived Machete in an orgasm-inducing epic fashion and you’ll probably remember more scenes from this than from Planet Terror. But it lacks dialogue gems with cult potential, as well as the presence of another nutjob character with the face of the great Mr. Q. T.. (02.10.2010)

–Cuban? –Mexican. It’s such a shame that Rodriguez didn’t have the balls to shoot the whole of his Mexploitation flick as crudely as he filmed the über-muthafucka prologue... I found that regrettable until the scene with entrails. The film’s superficial refinement only draws attention away from the self-confident (and self-conscious, as evidenced by the involvement of the uncensored internet) contempt for common sense, good taste and every conceivable kind of political correctness. Machete is an exploitation movie for multiplexes, but that doesn’t mean that it would lack machetes, machine guns, boobs, gore, sexy nurses, a murderous nun, a one-eyed avenger, Steven Seagal, Tom Savini and a  pissed-off Mexican with a weed whacker. You can either accept this film in all its simplicity and bombast and enjoy the ruthless fun, or look for a more sophisticated view of the world. This time, I’m giving a strong four-start rating and posing a simple question: why always complicate things? 85% (18.11.2013)