THE press material for “Gray Matters,” a deadly coming-out comedy, notes that its debuting director, Sue Kramer, has sold a bunch of unproduced screenplays.
Small wonder. There isn’t a remotely believable moment in the script here, and Kramer’s leaden direction only helps strand a capable cast headed by Heather Graham in an hour and a half of virtual laugh-free tedium.
Even worse, this is the kind of movie where you can deduce the entire plot, as unbelievable as it is, from the first 10 minutes.
Graham plays Gray, a vaguely depressed Manhattan advertising exec who isn’t interested in dating, but perks up when her brother (Tom Cavanaugh) gets engaged to a gorgeous woman (Bridget Moynahan).
Somehow it takes Gray half the movie to figure out she’s gay, even after she and the fiancée share a drunken lip-lock on the eve of the latter’s wedding. By that point, even the dimmest audience member will have figured out who Gray actually ends up with in the end.
Among those humilated by their participation in the sub-Woody-esque exercise are Alan Cumming, as a cab driver smitten with Gray who is forced to dress in drag; and Sissy Spacek, as Gray’s wacky shrink, who conducts sessions while bowling and rock climbing.
The only performer getting any laughs is Molly Shannon, who seems to be acting in her own private movie as Gray’s manic co-worker.
It wasn’t all that long ago that gay audiences, particularly lesbians, would flock to just about any movie depicting alternative lifestyles.
Fortunately, there are now many choices in the market. Skip “Gray Matters” and go straight to “Puccini for Beginners.”
GRAY MATTERS
Half a star
L as in loser.
Running time: 92 minutes. PG-13 (profanity, sexual references). At the Empire and the Loews Village.