Granny Weatherwax Quotes

“Esme Weatherwax hadn't done nice. She'd done what was needed.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

“Sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”
― Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

“Granny Weatherwax looked out at the multi-layered, silvery world.

“Where am I?”

INSIDE THE MIRROR.

“Am I dead?”

THE ANSWER TO THAT, said Death, IS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NO AND YES.

Esme turned, and a billion figures turned with her.

“When can I get out?”

WHEN YOU FIND THE ONE THAT’S REAL.

“Is this a trick question?”

NO.

Granny looked down at herself.

“This one,” she said.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“Haven’t you got any romance in your soul?’ said Magrat plaintively.
‘No,’ said Granny. 'I ain’t. And stars don’t care what you wish, and magic don’t make things better, and no one doesn’t get burned who sticks their hand in a fire. If you want to amount to anything as a witch, Magrat Garlick, you got to learn three things. What’s real, what’s not real, and what’s the difference.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“There was a wicked ole witch once called Black Aliss. She was an unholy terror. There's never been one worse or more powerful. Until now. Because I could spit in her eye and steal her teeth, see. Because she didn't know Right from Wrong, so she got all twisted up, and that was the end of her.

"The trouble is, you see, that if you do know Right from Wrong, you can't choose Wrong. You just can't do it and live. So.. if I was a bad witch I could make Mister Salzella's muscles turn against his bones and break them where he stood... if I was bad. I could do things inside his head, change the shape he thinks he is, and he'd be down on what had been his knees and begging to be turned into a frog... if I was bad. I could leave him with a mind like a scrambled egg, listening to colors and hearing smells...if I was bad. Oh yes." There was another sigh, deeper and more heartfelt.
"But I can't do none of that stuff. That wouldn't be Right."

She gave a deprecating little chuckle. And if Nanny Ogg had been listening, she would have resolved as follows: that no maddened cackle from Black Aliss of infamous memory, no evil little giggle from some crazed Vampyre whose morals were worse than his spelling, no side-splitting guffaw from the most inventive torturer, was quite so unnerving as a happy little chuckle from a Granny Weatherwax about to do what's best.”
― Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

“Well, you know Esme. She wasn't one for that kind of thing - never one to push herself forward*

* She hadn't ever needed to. Granny Weatherwax was like the prow of a ship. Seas parted when she turned up.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

“Most people, on waking up, accelerate through a quick panicky pre-consciousness check-up: who am I, where am I, who is he/she, good god, why am I cuddling a policeman's helmet, what happened last night?
And this is because people are riddled by Doubt. It is the engine that drives them through their lives. It is the elastic band in the little model aeroplane of their soul, and they spend their time winding it up until it knots. Early morning is the worst time -there's that little moment of panic in case You have drifted away in the night and something else has moved in. This never happened to Granny Weatherwax. She went straight from asleep to instant operation on all six cylinders. She never needed to find herself because she always knew who was doing the looking.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“She'd never mastered the talent for apologizing, but she appreciated it in other people.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“Mistress Weatherwax is the head witch, then, is she?’
'Oh no!’ said Miss Level, looking shocked. 'Witches are all equal. We don’t have things like head witches. That’s quite against the spirit of witchcraft.’
'Oh, I see,’ said Tiffany.
'Besides,’ Miss Level added, 'Mistress Weatherwax would never allow that sort of thing.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

“She knew a cutting, incisive, withering and above all a self-evident answer existed. It was just that, to her extreme annoyance, she couldn't quite bring it to mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

“She strode across the moors as if distance was a personal insult.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

“Granny’s implicit belief that everything should get out of her way extended to other witches, very tall trees and, on occasion, mountains.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“If I'd had to buy you, you wouldn't be worth the price.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“You can‘t go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it‘s just a cage.”
― Terry Pratchett , Witches Abroad

“On a million hillsides the girl ran, on a million bridges the girl chose, on a million paths the woman stood...
All different, all one.
All she could do for all of them was be herself, here and now, as hard as she could.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

“Humans take. They plough with iron. They ravage the land.'
'Some do, I'll grant you that. Others put back more'n they take. They put back love. They've got soil in their bones.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

“To Tiffany's surprise, Nanny Ogg was weeping gently. Nanny took another swig from her flagon and wiped her eyes. 'Cryin' helps sometimes,' she said. 'No shame in tears for them as you've loved. Sometimes I remember one of my husbands and shed a tear or two. The memories're there to be treasured, and it's no good to get morbid-like about it.”
― Terry Pratchett

“No,' she said. 'No, I don't reckon that's what I do now. Are you watchin', Mrs Gogol? Are you watchin' real close?'

Her gaze travelled the room and rested for just a fraction of a second on Magrat.

Then she reached over, carefully, and thrust her arm up to the elbow into the burning torch.

And the doll in Erzulie Gogol's hands burst into flame.

It went on blazing even after the witch had screamed and dropped it on to the floor. It went on burning until Nanny Ogg ambled over with a jug of fruit juice from the buffet, whistling between her teeth, and put it out.

Granny withdrew her hand. It was unscathed.”
― Terry Pratchett

“She’d struck Esk once before – the blow a baby gets to introduce it to the world and give it a rough idea of what to expect from life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

“We look to… the edges,' said Mistress Weatherwax. 'There’s a lot of edges, more than people know. Between life and death, this world and the next, night and day, right and wrong… an’ they need watchin’. We watch ‘em, we guard the sum of things. And we never ask for any reward. That’s important.”
― Terry Pratchett

“If anyone locked me in a dungeon, there'd be screams.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“Well, I suppose there's no place like home,' she said.

'No,' said Granny Weatherwax, still looking thoughtful. 'No, there's a billion places like home. But only one of 'em's where you live.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

“She did nothing, although sometimes when she saw him in the village she'd smile in a faint, puzzled way. After three weeks of this the suspense was too much for him and he took his own life; in fact he took it all the way across the continent, where he became a reformed character and never went home again.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“Nanny Ogg was sitting in a chair by the fire with a quart mug in one hand, and was conducting
the reprise with a cigar. She grinned when she saw Granny’s face.
“What ho, my old boiler,” she screeched above the din. “See you turned up, then. Have a
drink. Have two. Wotcher, Magrat. Pull up a chair and call the cat a bastard.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“You mean it's my destiny? she said at last.
Granny shrugged. Something like that. Probably. Who knows?”
― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

“Granny Weatherwax personally disliked young Pewsey. She disliked all small children, which is why she got on with them so well. In Pewsey's case, she felt that no one should be allowed to wander around in just a vest even if they were four years old. And the child had a permanently runny nose and ought to be provided with a handkerchief or, failing that, a cork.

Nanny Ogg, on the other hand, was instant putty in the hands of any grandchild, even one as sticky as Pewsey

"Want sweetie," growled Pewsey, in that curiously deep voice some young children have.
"Just in a moment, my duck, I'm talking to the lady," Nanny Ogg fluted.
"Want sweetie now."
"Bugger off, my precious, Nana's busy right this minute."

Pewsey pulled hard on Nanny Ogg's skirts.
"Now sweetie now!"

Granny Weatherwax leaned down until her impressive nose was about level with Pewsey's gushing one.
"If you don't go away," she said gravely, "I will personally rip your head off and fill it with snakes."
"There!" said Nanny Ogg. "There's lots of poor children in Klatch that'd be grateful for a curse like that."

Pewsey's little face, after a second or two of uncertainty, split into a pumpkin grin.
"Funny lady," he said.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

“There is a very interesting debate raging at the moment about the nature of sin, for example,” said Oats.

“And what do they think? Against it, are they?” said Granny Weatherwax.

“It’s not as simple as that. It’s not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray.”

“Nope.”

“Pardon?”

“There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”

“It’s a lot more complicated than that—”

“No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”

“Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes—”

“But they starts with thinking about people as things…”
― Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

“You mean it's my destiny?" she said at last.
Granny shrugged. “Something like that. Probably. Who knows?”
― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

“Senin iğrenç iltifatlarına karşı sağırım," dedi dük. "Senin şeytani cilvelerini hor görüyorum. İşkence göreceksin, bilsen iyi olur."
Bu gereken etkiyi yaratmamış gibiydi. Dadı zindana, bir turistin meraklı ilgisiyle göz gezdiriyordu.
"Sonra da yakılacaksın," dedi düşes
"Tamam," dedi dadı.
"Tamam mı?"
"Eh, bu lanet yer buz gibi. Oradaki çivili büyük gardrop gibi şey ne?"
Dük titriyordu. "Aha" dedi. "Artık anladın ha? O sevgili hanımefendi, Demir Leydi. En son model. Şimdi onu-"
"İçine girip bakabilir miyim?"
"Yakarışlarına kulaklarım sağır..." Dükün sesi soldu gitti. Tikleri gene başladı.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“Magrat, folluğa yerleşen iki tavuk gibi kıç tarafta rahat etmeye çalışan iki yaşlı cadıya baktı.

"Kürek çekmeyi biliyor musunuz?" dedi.

"Bilmemiz gerekmiyor," dedi Nine.

Magrat kasvetle başını salladı. Sonra çok minik bir iddialılık kırıntısı, kendisini bir an gösterdi.

"Ben de bildiğimi sanmıyorum," diye denedi.

"Sorun değil," dedi Ogg Ana hemen. "Yanlış yaptığını görürsek söyleriz. Bay bay, kral hazretleri."

Magrat pes etti. İçini çekti ve kürekleri aldı.

"Yassı tarafı suya girecek," dedi Nine yardımseverlikle.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad