Farts Quotes

“Uh-oh,' said Gazzy, but Angel was so nauseated she didn't have time to leap to a safe distance, or grab a gas mask
Bbbbbrrrrrrrttthhhhhhttttttt.
'Mother of God, no!' Total cried, doing a fast belly-crawl to the pool and throwing himself in. 'You said it wasn't your digestive system!'
'What was that?' Dylan asked. He winced and threw an arm oer his nose and mouth.
...
'Sorry,' Gazzy said miserably, but he couldn't help a tiny grin.
Nudge was clawing at a stack of towels to cover her face.
'Nice one, Gaz,' said Iggy.
...
'Wait-that was Gazzy? Is that why you call him...Oh, crap,' Dylan said weakly.”
― James Patterson, Fang

“I found this, though," Gazzy said excitedly, holding up a small green box. "Gas-X! Like, 'X' for explosion! This is great! I'm thinking I rig this with a detonator and-"
"Did you find that in the medicine cabinet?" Dylan asked.
"Yeah."
"It's for upset stomachs," Dylan said, trying to hide a smile. He pointed to the words on the box. "It's to reduce gas in you digestive system, not to create more gas to make explosions."
Gazzy's face fell as Iggy said, "Really? Gazzy, take it! Take the whole box!”
― James Patterson, Angel

“So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.”
― Mark Forsyth, The Horologicon: A Day's Jaunt Through the Lost Words of the English Language

“Are you still doing that crap?" I ask.

"You can't even do it properly," Eileen says.

"Just a matter of practice," Simone says.

"Wow! Practicing how to poison yourself and make your breath reek like the fart of a seagull!" Eileen cries.”
― Randa Abdel-Fattah, Does My Head Look Big In This?

“Farting, don't think, just fart.”
― John Cage, M: Writings '67–'72

“The idea of spending another six hours with Leon and his farts was more than I could take.”
― John Scalzi, Old Man's War

“You're funny.' Phoebe passed me the last chocolate cupcake. 'And I always thought your friends were laughing over their own farts.'
'Ninety percent of Eastwood's male population laughs over their own farts. Present company excluded, naturally.”
― Robyn Schneider, The Beginning of Everything

“And when you are criticized, as you will be, remind your critics that you have the right to speak your mind. And if they shout you down, as they probably will, then inform them that since they insist on being asses, you will henceforth communicate with them with the appropriate part of your own anatomy. And turning to face them from the posterior, let them know where you stand. Let every fart count as a peal of thunder for liberty. Let every fart remind the nation of how much it has let pass out of its control. It is a small gesture, but one that can be very effective - especially in a large crowd. So fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty - and fart proudly”
― Carl Japikse

“Shit" Bug said, his face sour. "It's that thing again. We've been dealing with it since Pierce. You think you have a lead and then poof" - he made a puffing motion with his fingers - "it melts into nothing and all you have is frustration and the far noise your face makes when you hit you desk with it."

Fart.... what?”
― Ilona Andrews, White Hot

“A fart in the face is love.”
― James Kidd

“Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Your smile is weird," Ed says when I reach him. "Like you're farting."...."Do you want to sit inside or outside?" He points to my stomach. "Maybe outside, better air circulation?”
― Christina Lauren, My Favorite Half-Night Stand

“Fanchon, 69 years of age, has been hanged 6 times in effigy, and has committed all imaginable crimes; she has a squint, and is pug-nosed, short, fat, with no forehead and only 2 teeth; an erysipelas covers her arse, a bunch of haemorrhoids hangs from her arsehole, a canker devours her vagina, she has a burnt thigh and a cancer eating away at her breast; she is always drunk, vomits, farts and shits all over the place and at any time without even noticing.”
― Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom

“If I could make money making armpit farts, I would. But since I can't, I teach. And write.”
― Richard B. Knight

“Pbbtlt.

"It smells like ham, Glo said. It must be Hatchet"
Hatchet moved out of the shadows. "My intent was to capture and torture for information, but you have made my job easy. I now know the clue and can give this information to my master."
"He's not going to believe you," Glo said. "You fart."
Hatchet stood tall with one hand on his sword. "Everyone doth fart."
"Not like you," Glo said. "You're a ham farter."
Hatchet pressed his lips together. "Tis a manly fart.”
― Janet Evanovich, Wicked Business

“At least one memory remained vivid: once or twice each night, ----- would turn over in his sleep, his back to her, and play a long note on the buttocks bassoon. Enjoy that adorable quirk.”
― Shannon Hale, Midnight in Austenland

“Wat wel gek was: ze zeiden niks over de stank. Ik denk dat ze lief voor me wilden zijn. Ik dacht: dat klopt niet. En dus liet ik, halverwege Unstoppable, een scheet. Een chemoscheet.
De hel brak los. Ze sprongen alle drie op en renden naar de keuken. 'Vergassing!' schreeuwde Bart. 'Ramen open!' schreeuwden Ward en Kevin kwam niet meer bij van het lachen.”
― Edward van de Vendel, Het kankerkampioenschap voor junioren

“It goes on top and breaks down,
It can emit a high or low sound.
Each atom of such noisy chute
Exhale the aroma of a ripe fruit.”
― Ana Claudia Antunes

“You're not stupid, you're just special! You have morons in your head instead of neurons!”
― The Fart Blast

“I don't exist.”
― The Fart Blast

“Akiko was in a meeting with her superior officers when she farted and tore a hole in her chair. The fart was so powerful, her commanding officers fell back.”
― Peter Tieryas, United States of Japan

“Like a herald announcing the arrival of royalty, she let out what is easily the longest, loudest, and most musical fart I have ever heard.”
― Paul Carter, Yet More Tales of a Country Doctor

“Hugh bites her tough as her guts try to turn to jelly and try to evacuate of their own accord except the flush of stimulated stress hormones trips some sort of built-in override,and the panic attack cuts off sharply before it can really get going. Which is a good thing because not only would it be deeply embarrassing to s@#$ herself out here in the open, she’s not sure she has any apparatus with which to do the defecation thing. For all she knows, she might fart rainbows or anodized multi-hue polyhedral dice.”
― Cory Doctorow, The Rapture of the Nerds

“No adult is ever too far from a fart.”
― Divas, Shambala Sect

“She wore nothing but a pair of gray panties and even inside the van, warmed by her farts and body heat all night, the air was graveyard-clammy, so she knew the late autumn morning outside would require something a little more substantial than usual.”
― S.A. Hunt, Burn the Dark

“A CPAP machine produced the worst gastrointestinal problems and the most putrid farts I have experienced in life!”
― Steven Magee

“Malnutrition is a plague in the elderly.”
― Steven Magee, Hypoxia, Mental Illness & Chronic Fatigue

“At Jefferson High, even a small misstep could get you bullied for years. As far as she could tell they were still teasing some kid for a lethal fart he'd let fly back in sixth-grade gym class, so whatever you imagine a deaf-voiced cyborg girl caught, it was worse. The things that happened to girls always were.”
― Sara Nović, True Biz

“A perfect joke is somewhere between an angel and a fart.”
― Sarah Ruhl, The Clean House

“fart with lust”
― James Joyce, Selected Letters of James Joyce