Annika Rose Quotes

“Are you lonely?" Jonathan asks.
How could I tell him that my loneliness was crushing? How it felt awful to be lonely but not know how to reach out to people and fill the time I always had too much of? It wasn't that I didn't enjoy being alone, because I did, and could spend hours on solitary endeavors like reading or going for long walks without ever wishing for human companionship. I could visit the animals at the shelter or write another play for the children to perform. But sometimes I craved the presence of someone else, especially if I could be myself.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“For so long, I'd envied the affection other people seemed to acquire effortlessly. Holding hands and kissing someone felt like finally being able to nibble at a buffet that had delicacies I had yet to fully sample, and I was eager to try every one of them. After years of loneliness and isolation, receiving attention and affection from another person boosted my spirits unbelievably. It was an infinitely preferable way to go about life.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“Though she has trouble deciphering other people's facial expressions, her face is an open book and no one would ever have trouble understanding hers. I've always wondered if she exaggerates them to help people understand what she's thinking, the way she wishes they would for her. I find it endearing.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“The burgundy dress she's wearing stops just above her knees, showing the perfect amount of leg, but the sleeves are long and covered by some kind of lace overlay. It is the ideal attire for a corporate dinner party. Annika has the kind of body that isn't overtly noticeable. Her breasts never feel like they're in your face, but they make you wonder what they look like under her clothes. Her legs are only slightly longer than average, but they're toned. She is the most perfectly proportioned woman I've ever had the pleasure of seeing naked, and has the softest skin I've ever run my hands across. Tonight, she looks both sexy and conservative, and I look forward to introducing her to my fellow team members.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“It's hard to see at first because it's dark, but there's a cardboard box, and in it are a cat and five small kittens. I don't have any pets, and if I had to choose, I'd probably consider myself a dog person. But I can't deny how cute the kittens are. The love Annika feels for these tiny animals transforms her face, and I'm reminded of how protective and nurturing she can be.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“One of the best things about reconnecting with Annika is how natural it feels to be with her. Standing on the sidewalk, I wonder if she remembers how it felt to be in love with me.
I haven't forgotten how it felt to be in love with her.
As soon as we're settled in the back of the cab, she snuggles up next to me. Her body relaxes until I can feel her melting into me. She goes limp and falls asleep with her head on my chest. I don't mind at all, and I hold her until we get home. With my arms around her, she feels like mine again.
It's only when we're inside her department that I realize the evening- and the performance required of her to endure it- has taken everything she had and there's simply nothing left.
She's done.
She walks into the bedroom, and I follow. She pulls a T-shirt out of a dresser drawer and turns her back to me, not because she's upset that I followed, but so that I can unzip her dress. I oblige, and as soon as I've lowered it, the dress hits the floor. Her bra and underwear follow, which tells me that modesty is still a completely foreign concept to her. I'm not going to ogle her like the horny college student I once was, but I appreciate the view of her naked backside just the same. She turns around and when I see the front view, maybe I ogle just a little.
I mean, I'm human.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“With the amount of time I spent volunteering in the clinic, one might think I aspired to a career in veterinary medicine. Animals were one of the few things that brought me extreme happiness, especially those in need of my attention. The other volunteers might have assumed the animals provided a respite from the loneliness and isolation that surrounded me during my college years, but few would understand that I simply preferred the company of animals over most humans. The soulful look in their eyes as they learned to trust me sustained me more than any social situation ever would.
If there was one thing I loved almost as much as animals, it was books. Reading transported me to exotic locales, fascinating periods in history, and worlds that were vastly different from my own.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“Though it has been a long time, it sometimes feels like it was yesterday. I can hardly remember the names of the girls who came before her, and after her there was only Liz. But I can recall with unbelievable clarity almost everything that happened during the time I spent with Annika.
Probably because no one has ever loved me as fiercely and unconditionally as she did.
I look over at Nate. "Did you ever fall in love with a girl who was different? Not just from any girl you'd ever dated before, but from most people in general?"
Nate signals the bartender for another beer. "Marched to the beat of a different drum, did she?"
"She marched to the beat of an entirely different band. One you've never heard of and under no circumstances ever expected to like.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“As the words tumble from her mouth, she looks down at her shoes, over my shoulder, toward the barista. Anywhere but at me. I don't mind. Annika's mannerisms are like slipping into a comfortable pair of shoes, and though I feel bad admitting it, even to myself, her nervousness has always made me feel at ease.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“The University of Illinois Wildlife Medical Clinic accepted native wild animals in need of care due to illness and injury, or because they'd been orphaned. The goal was to rehabilitate them and release them back into the wild. Veterinary students made up the bulk of the volunteers, but there were a few- like me- whose undying love for animals, and not our future vocations, had led us to the clinic behind the veterinary medicine building on the south side of campus. I had a tendency to gravitate toward the smaller animals, but I also felt a special affinity for the birds. They were majestic creatures, and there was nothing more satisfying than releasing one and watching it soar off high in the sky.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“They'll take one look at you and forget how to play the game."
"I don't think so," I said. "These players are really good. I can't imagine they'd suddenly forget how to play."
"I meant because you're so pretty. They'll be too busy looking at you and it will blow their concentration."
"That probably won't happen."
He let out a short laugh. "Just me then, huh?"
My brain figured out what he meant a few minutes later and I yelled "Oh" loud enough to make Jonathan jump in his seat a little. "Were you flirting with me?"
"I was trying to. I thought I was halfway decent at it, but now I'm not so sure."
"Jonathan?"
He took his eyes off the road for a second and looked over at me.
"I totally thought you were flirting. I was just making sure."
Then he gave me another one of those smiles I'd told Janice about.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“It's nice to see her so passionate about her job, and even more than that, so comfortable with me. Her demeanor has changed significantly, and for the better, since our coffee date. She's not the only one who seems more relaxed, because Annika has always had that effect on me. Currently, there are very few people in my life I can be one hundred percent myself around, but she's always been one of them. I don't have to put on a show or try to impress her the way I did with Liz. It's very liberating.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“He seemed calmer, but he kept bringing up all the times I'd said or done the wrong thing. It made me feel like crying. But then I remembered that no one can make me feel inferior without my consent."
"Did Janice tell you that?"
"Eleanor Roosevelt did. But Janice is the one who gave me a whole book of her quotes, and I memorized all of them. I also really like the one that says 'A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“I love your dress," Jim's wife says, leaning toward Annika to briefly touch the lace.
"Thank you. The lace is very comfortable on my arms because of the fabric underneath. Otherwise I'd never be able to wear it." Annika says it very matter-of-factly and takes another sip of her club soda and lime.
"Oh, I know what you mean. I had a lace dress once that didn't, and it was so uncomfortable. I ended up giving it away." Jim's wife, Claudia, who is rather quiet and is routinely cold-shouldered by the other, more boisterous wives, has finally found some common ground, and she studies Annika with quiet reverence. Annika's cool aloofness, which is entirely unintentional, has afforded her the upper hand slightly, and I don't think she even realizes it. But even if she did, Annika would never capitalize on it to make herself seem more important. It simply would never occur to her.
"You should try silk," Annika says. "I have a blouse that feels absolutely wonderful against my skin."
"I will," Claudia says. "Thanks for the tip.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“Shortly after Ryan and I broke up, I returned to the solitude I normally enjoyed, appreciating the simplicity of my life because I no longer had to walk on eggshells around a man. But now that time had passed, the loneliness had started reappearing like a growing tidal wave in the distance. I could feel it building and when it finally reached me, I would spend the rest of the day or night restless and fighting tears. It would eventually pass, but the episodes were becoming more frequent. I tried to fill my days with more social interaction, but that only left me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. A personal connection with someone was what I craved the most. Someone who understood my needs and was willing to speak my language.
Someone like Jonathan.
I avert my eyes as I answer him. "I don't mind spending time alone, but sometimes I do get very lonely."
Jonathan leans over and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close as I fight back tears. "Not everyone can look past their own hang-ups to see what I see. It's their loss."
When Jonathan said things like that, it propped me up and took away a little of the sting from the people who'd tried to tear me down or make me feel like a second-class citizen because I viewed things differently than they did. Ten years ago, I might not have been clear on what Jonathan was saying, but that had changed. Tina had taught me that it was important to surround myself with people who understood me. People who were secure about their own place in the world. It wasn't always easy to identify who those people were, but I was much better at it now than I had been in the past.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“I love you, Jonathan."
"I love you, too. I've been thinking about how I was going to tell you."
"If you've been thinking about it, why didn't you just say it?"
"Because the first time you say it to someone, you hope they'll say it back. And if you're not sure they will..."
"Why wouldn't I say it back? I did say it. Just now." I thought I was the one confused by relationships and everything that went along with them.
"Maybe there was a small part of me that worried you wouldn't. I don't always know what's going on up there," he said, tapping my temple gently.
"I never know what people are thinking. It's like visiting a country where you don't speak the language and you're trying so hard to understand but no matter how many times you ask for juice, they keep bringing you milk. And I hate it.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“I need to use the restroom," Sherry says. She looks at Annika. "Would you like to come with me?"
"No," Annika says, grimacing and using the same tone you'd use to turn down an elective root canal.
Sherry looks at her in confusion. "No?"
Annika pauses. Removes the napkin from her lap and smiles. "Actually, yes. I should probably go now, too."
I keep my expression blank, but inside I'm laughing. Annika's honest response to what is essentially one of the most common female conventions is priceless, but she says it so sweetly- without a trace of sarcasm- that I may be the only one who realizes she didn't arbitrarily change her mind. It just took her a few extra seconds to shuffle through her brain for the appropriate social response. No wonder she was so tired after I took her to my company dinner. It must be exhausting, and it makes me feel extra protective of her.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes," Annika says. In theory, yes, but in this case I'm pretty sure Sherry's boss has the power to say both.
"What's that?" Sherry says. She sounds hesitant, as if she's not sure where this is going.
"It's a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt," Annika says. "Are you familiar with them?"
"I know a few," Sherry says.
"My best friend bought me a book of them. 'Do one thing every day that scares you' is what got me through my twenties. 'Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“Why can't you tell Brad you don't want to work on Sundays?" It would be nice if he and I could watch a movie or do some other relaxing activity together when we get home.
"Nobody would admit that to their boss. It would mean we weren't team players and that our personal lives are more important."
I wrinkle my head in confusion. "Aren't they?"
"Of course they are, but we can't admit it."
"I don't understand this at all, and I don't think it has anything to do with the way my brain works."
Jonathan laughs. "It's corporate culture. No one has to understand it as long as we play by the rules."
"It sounds horrible."
"It's just the way it is."
"What if you decided you didn't want to do it anymore? What else could you be?"
"I don't know. I've never thought about it. What would you do if you decided you didn't want to work in a library anymore?"
"I would write plays. All day long, just"- I mimic pounding on the keys. "But I can't imagine ever leaving the library. I love it too much."
"You're lucky," he says.
I shrug. "I just know I couldn't spend my life doing something that doesn't make me happy.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“I'm not asking you to go with me. I don't want you to go with me." That's a straight-up lie, because I have no idea if I have the ability to do this. Even more important than ability is whether or not I have the courage. This revelation makes me feel ashamed. I'm a grown woman, and it's time to prove- if not to everyone else then at least to myself- that I can do things on my own. Janice said that Jonathan needs me to step up, to be the kind of person he can depend on not to retreat when things get rough. This time, I won't hide in my childhood bed hoping the world will right itself. Jonathan would do anything to help me, but now he's the one who needs help, and I'm going to dig deep and be the one to give it to him.”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know

“You can't take risks like that."
"Everything turned out fine." My mom probably thinks she was right and I'm not capable of making a trip like this on my own without someone to guide me and keep me safe. But someday they'll be gone, and I'll have to live my life without their guidance. Maybe without Jonathan's, although that thought fills me with immeasurable pain and sadness. This road trip isn't my first or only attempt at independence, but it's an important step toward laying down a foundation for the years to come. And I'm not so dense that I don't know that most people are younger than thirty-two when they achieve it.
I've lagged behind everyone my whole life, so why would my adulthood be any different?”
― Tracey Garvis Graves, The Girl He Used to Know