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Freaks I've Met
Spokane, Washington, is nearly perfect for most people, but Jack Fitzpatrick is not one of them. Hours after graduation and armed with his final paycheck from his nemesis, Mrs. Pohlkiss, Jack heads for Southern California determined to prove that money does buy happiness. Thanks to a lucky run-in with a talent agent a few weeks earlier, Jack has loftier (and more lucrative) dreams than minimum wage in the basement of Nordstrom's. But once there, he learns that lofty dreams are a dime a dozen in the City of Angels. Broke, barely scraping by, and hating his life as a temp, L.A. is definitely not what Jack expected. But that doesn't mean he is going to lay down and give up--not yet. After reading “Best Paying Jobs of 1987” in Newsweek magazine, he decides to go after the only one he thinks he has a shot at: institutional bond broker. Once frustrated that his dazzling lack of experience keeps getting in the way, Jack is ecstatic to land a job at Freedom Capital, a no-name firm with a hire anybody mentality. Pumped to be on his way to his first few million, Jack eagerly engages in the challenged ethics of his new employer. When a series of innocent events lands him in prison, he’s sure things can’t get any worse. He would be wrong. Funny, scathing and over-the-top, "Freaks I've Met" is an adventure so unlike any other, it must be totally true.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published May 1, 2015
About the author
Donald Jans
5 books254 followersChartered Financial Analyst and Gonzaga University alumnus, survived more than twenty years in the institutional bond market and encounters with all kinds of freaks. The author of several screenplays, he is currently working on his second novel and a memoir. He lives in Tiburon, California.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 247 reviews
December 29, 2015
DISCLAIMER: I received this book for free through the GoodReads giveaways.
Despite scenes that have a hint of tragedy, this book made me laugh uncontrollably. You cannot read this book without thinking of The Wolf of Wall Street, but that was crass and over the top while this feels... humane and real (which is quite ironic).
Favourite quotes:
"I was convinced that the proverb about money not buying happiness was written by a rich guy who didn't want you to feel bad because you didn't have any."
"I didn't want fine. I wanted to be somebody. Somebody with plenty of money"
"He looked so boring I didn't dare get too close to him for fear he'd snatch part of my brain"
"They were in charge of the privilege of staying and the joy of firing."
"Sorry, Jack. I really needed to hit rock bottom before I could dust myself off."
"Those rich guys were right. Money can't buy happiness, because happiness is everywhere. It's free, like air."
Despite scenes that have a hint of tragedy, this book made me laugh uncontrollably. You cannot read this book without thinking of The Wolf of Wall Street, but that was crass and over the top while this feels... humane and real (which is quite ironic).
Favourite quotes:
"I was convinced that the proverb about money not buying happiness was written by a rich guy who didn't want you to feel bad because you didn't have any."
"I didn't want fine. I wanted to be somebody. Somebody with plenty of money"
"He looked so boring I didn't dare get too close to him for fear he'd snatch part of my brain"
"They were in charge of the privilege of staying and the joy of firing."
"Sorry, Jack. I really needed to hit rock bottom before I could dust myself off."
"Those rich guys were right. Money can't buy happiness, because happiness is everywhere. It's free, like air."
December 1, 2015
It is 1987, and in a matter of a few hours after graduation, Jack Fitzpatrick leaves Spokane, and heads for Los Angeles, hoping to find the proverbial pot of gold when he takes a modeling job. Going weirdly awry, the twenty-one-year old hightails it out of Washington, moving in with one of his college roommates. Things go awry once again, and Jack has no choice but to find another job. Various temp jobs go belly up, and cold calling for a stockbroker leaves little hope for cold, hard cash. When Jack’s first bona fide, yet precarious, job selling bonds provides enough skills for him to quit and try for big time investing in San Francisco, Jack has no idea that he is in for the freakiest time of his life.
Donald Jans spins a hilarious, laugh-until-you-cry story in his memoir-ish debut novel. Jans’ first person narrative features Jack, an adventurous young man, who is surrounded by the strangest of the strange. Replete with a colorful cast, Jans’ characters fit the stereotype of “freaks”—many which fill deprecating, self-absorbed, sex-driven roles. A few among the flurry of most memorable characters are Mrs. Pohlkiss, Jack’s infamous neighbor; Dexter, his college roommate and best friend; and Fat Wyatt, one of Jack’s co-workers. Of particular interest is the way Jans uses his cast—all foiled characters—to force Jack to ultimately do something substantial with his life. Incorporating one uncomfortable scenario after the other, Jack has to constantly re-evaluate his life choices.
Jans’ writing style is laced with irreverent verbiage, which nicely accentuates the off-the-chart, funny scenes. Great examples are found in incidents with Mrs. Manchester’s (Dexter’s mom) pristine white couch, with Rockwell’s computer system, and in the unforgettable elevator scene with Fat Wyatt. Readers will definitely have to put the book down for a while to gain composure after reading that last-mentioned entry—absolutely hands down side-splitting! Chapter after chapter combines bizarre and unsuspecting situations with Jack’s desperate attempts to fit in, and become a real somebody.
A great mix of comedy, set within a coming-of-age plot, Freak$ I’ve Met is without a doubt top-rate humor that not only has the potential of reaching a wide audience, but also of becoming a best seller.
Originally posted on San Francisco Book Review. Anita Lock, Book Reviewer
Donald Jans spins a hilarious, laugh-until-you-cry story in his memoir-ish debut novel. Jans’ first person narrative features Jack, an adventurous young man, who is surrounded by the strangest of the strange. Replete with a colorful cast, Jans’ characters fit the stereotype of “freaks”—many which fill deprecating, self-absorbed, sex-driven roles. A few among the flurry of most memorable characters are Mrs. Pohlkiss, Jack’s infamous neighbor; Dexter, his college roommate and best friend; and Fat Wyatt, one of Jack’s co-workers. Of particular interest is the way Jans uses his cast—all foiled characters—to force Jack to ultimately do something substantial with his life. Incorporating one uncomfortable scenario after the other, Jack has to constantly re-evaluate his life choices.
Jans’ writing style is laced with irreverent verbiage, which nicely accentuates the off-the-chart, funny scenes. Great examples are found in incidents with Mrs. Manchester’s (Dexter’s mom) pristine white couch, with Rockwell’s computer system, and in the unforgettable elevator scene with Fat Wyatt. Readers will definitely have to put the book down for a while to gain composure after reading that last-mentioned entry—absolutely hands down side-splitting! Chapter after chapter combines bizarre and unsuspecting situations with Jack’s desperate attempts to fit in, and become a real somebody.
A great mix of comedy, set within a coming-of-age plot, Freak$ I’ve Met is without a doubt top-rate humor that not only has the potential of reaching a wide audience, but also of becoming a best seller.
Originally posted on San Francisco Book Review. Anita Lock, Book Reviewer
September 9, 2015
I won this as part of the good reads giving away. What an amazing book well written and definitely leaves you smiling, also made me chuckle in places. Highly recommended
January 25, 2016
I won this book at goodreads.com...thank you!
This is a dark comedy about recent college graduate Jack who leaves his hometown in Spokane and his attempts at becoming a millionaire in Los Angeles and the 'freaks' he meets along the way. This is a hilarious laugh out loud story with a dark undertone that blends seamlessly and keeps you turning the pages until you reach the surprising end. It's hard to believe that this is the author's debut novel and I'm looking forward to more from Donald Jans. He has written three screenplays and I might give them a try. I highly recommend 'Freaks I've Met' to anyone who wants to read a crazy good book.
This is a dark comedy about recent college graduate Jack who leaves his hometown in Spokane and his attempts at becoming a millionaire in Los Angeles and the 'freaks' he meets along the way. This is a hilarious laugh out loud story with a dark undertone that blends seamlessly and keeps you turning the pages until you reach the surprising end. It's hard to believe that this is the author's debut novel and I'm looking forward to more from Donald Jans. He has written three screenplays and I might give them a try. I highly recommend 'Freaks I've Met' to anyone who wants to read a crazy good book.
May 13, 2016
Loved it! This book was very entertaining and held my attention. If it weren't for work, I would have read the whole book in one sitting. Great story and characters, and very believable scenarios. Made me laugh out loud a lot!
February 18, 2016
Unbelievably non stop funny adventures while job hunting. The time spent with Dexter and Mrs. Manchester was hilarious.
January 31, 2017
From the very first page of Don Jans' debut novel, I became Jack Fitzpatrick's biggest cheerleader. Even though I had my doubts that our narrator would succeed in finding fame and fortune in LA after leaving his Spokane, Washington roots, I was rooting for him the whole time! I was charmed by Jack's naivete' and eagerness and absolutely enchanted by his self-deprecating humor in the midst of his many, many bizarre encounters. I literally laughed out loud throughout the entirety of this witty journey into the world of temporary jobs, financial endeavors, and the uproarious, "freakish" characters that Jack meets along the way.
Jans' use of the character of Mrs. Pohnkiss, his condescending and haughty neighbor, throughout the novel as an impetus for his determination to forge on in his pursuit of happiness is brilliant. Her eventual comeuppance and the absolute hilarity of the final pages at the end of the novel provide the reader with a profusion of humor mixed with a profound poignancy that we share with Jack as he realizes what is truly important in life.
Fasten your seat belts, readers, as Jans takes you on a wildly humorous, bawdy, and boisterous ride through a young man's search for acceptance, for accreditation, and for the resolution that we all seek for ourselves.
Jans' use of the character of Mrs. Pohnkiss, his condescending and haughty neighbor, throughout the novel as an impetus for his determination to forge on in his pursuit of happiness is brilliant. Her eventual comeuppance and the absolute hilarity of the final pages at the end of the novel provide the reader with a profusion of humor mixed with a profound poignancy that we share with Jack as he realizes what is truly important in life.
Fasten your seat belts, readers, as Jans takes you on a wildly humorous, bawdy, and boisterous ride through a young man's search for acceptance, for accreditation, and for the resolution that we all seek for ourselves.
February 6, 2017
A few pages into this tale, I decided it was an irreverent look at growing up. It is, but it's more than that. There is something to be learned in the sometimes raunchy, politically incorrect, sophomoric blending of words. There is a moral to the story.
If you are easily offended, move on to another title. But, if you're an adventurous type, grab a copy and enjoy something a little different. Hang in there, it's worth it!
By the way, don't let the amount of time I took on this book deter you. I got really sick for awhile, and had the attention span of a gnat. I just could not read. Reading this book is not a difficult endeavor, I was just distracted.
If you are easily offended, move on to another title. But, if you're an adventurous type, grab a copy and enjoy something a little different. Hang in there, it's worth it!
By the way, don't let the amount of time I took on this book deter you. I got really sick for awhile, and had the attention span of a gnat. I just could not read. Reading this book is not a difficult endeavor, I was just distracted.
September 7, 2017
What a quirky, fun read! It made me laugh.
September 21, 2015
How do you make the bond market funny? The author did this, and more, and made me relive my own foibles of my first job. Kirkus called it Buchowski-esque, yes, with a dash of Hunter S. Thompson and David Sedaris for good measure. Great book for anyone who has ever had a job, or is just starting out. My only complaint was it ended too quickly. I purposely stopped 10 pages short for the night so I would have something fun to read the next day. Love how he set up his arch nemesis and how that all played out in the end. Over the top, and yet somehow completely believable. I look forward to more from this author.
December 3, 2015
Was like the sequel to A Catcher in the Rye complete with the irritating overly-judgemental and egotistical protagonist (from what I remember- I haven't read that book for 25 years). It was funny, crude in places, always entertaining. I let the finance speak wash over me as he may as well have been speaking Russian- I thought maybe by the end I might get the gist of what bonds are about, but alas, no.
It was a good read. I was left smiling.
It was a good read. I was left smiling.
November 26, 2015
Spot on details and striking moments left me wondering how much of this funny and very readable debut were true!
September 29, 2015
Haven't read a book this funny since one of Sedaris' old ones. Even though it is fiction, there is no way the author could make up this kind of detail unless he lived it, and I loved his unlikely "nemesis" that drove him crazy to succeed. If this weren't from a small publisher I suspect it would be on the NY times bestseller list. Hoping for more from the author, his other works seem to be screenplays which I don't really understand how to read.
August 28, 2016
This book was Hilarious! I loved every bit of it. I am an avid fan of humour books, and this one was one of my favorites that i have recently read! Donald Jans is a wonderful author and I really look forward to reading more of his work!
March 20, 2017
Super fun, couldn't put it down. Original disillusioned narrator kept me rooting for him the whole time! The sticker bush incident killed me. I hope an audio book comes out!
May 9, 2018
I'm not that sure where I stand with this book, the issue is probably down to me trying about 20 times to win a copy of this on the Goodreads Giveaways (RIP to the Goodreads Giveaways) and I never managed to win a copy, in the end I gave up and purchased a copy instead. So after spending so much time trying to win a copy my hopes for an amazing book had been built quite high.
The book is made up of many short chapters in which you get to meet a lot of odd people or at least they seem odd, a lot are gone before you get the chance to figure them out. Things then seem to be main character whines, a few freaks make an appearance main character whines some more followed by more freaks, I have to admit I struggled at this repetitiveness.
Then you realise what is going on, Jack, the main character is growing up, getting better at his job and making big decisions, the story then picked up a bit and I got into things more. The ending, a sort of moral was a nice touch too.
All in all it was a good read, a touch hard going at times but worth giving a go.
Blog review is here> https://felcherman.wordpress.com/2018...
The book is made up of many short chapters in which you get to meet a lot of odd people or at least they seem odd, a lot are gone before you get the chance to figure them out. Things then seem to be main character whines, a few freaks make an appearance main character whines some more followed by more freaks, I have to admit I struggled at this repetitiveness.
Then you realise what is going on, Jack, the main character is growing up, getting better at his job and making big decisions, the story then picked up a bit and I got into things more. The ending, a sort of moral was a nice touch too.
All in all it was a good read, a touch hard going at times but worth giving a go.
Blog review is here> https://felcherman.wordpress.com/2018...
December 20, 2015
Not since I read Liar's Poker, have I laughed so hard at a finance book. Liar's Poker was excellent, but this was better for me and more realistic about what most people go through in their daily jobs.. or might get thrust into in their daily job. Some of the situations seemed a little over the top, but then life usually is. Can't think of a book where there is a college grad fresh out of college like this one, but this one delivers, and is quite relatable, even if the main character Jack is a bit jaded. I was rooting for him! I've already given it to my 21 year old nephew, so he thinks I'm cool! and can see what is what like in the world before he is glued to his cell phone 24 -7.. the only thing we had was the phone.. and to actually talk to people. Great details of that era.
February 18, 2017
Disclosure: I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway, but did not affect my opinion.
Years ago, I had a coffee mug which said: "You're sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person." It's a shame I cannot find it for author, Donald Jans, who really deserves such accolades. I loved the first 50-60 pages of the book: just hysterical! Great stuff. However, once Jack starts his career selling zero-coupon bonds, the book was just too much like The Wolf of Wall Street. Then, again at the end, when Jack's dating escapades became the focal point, it was very funny again. Worth a read, if you need to laugh. 3.5 stars.
P.S. Whomever proofread this book should have caught the mistake in defining STRIPS: it's principal, not principle.
Years ago, I had a coffee mug which said: "You're sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person." It's a shame I cannot find it for author, Donald Jans, who really deserves such accolades. I loved the first 50-60 pages of the book: just hysterical! Great stuff. However, once Jack starts his career selling zero-coupon bonds, the book was just too much like The Wolf of Wall Street. Then, again at the end, when Jack's dating escapades became the focal point, it was very funny again. Worth a read, if you need to laugh. 3.5 stars.
P.S. Whomever proofread this book should have caught the mistake in defining STRIPS: it's principal, not principle.
October 30, 2015
I saw this book show up in my library as newly acquired titles, and I grabbed it. And I am oh so glad I did. As a 60 year old divorced woman who has seen a bit of life, I found myself screeching at some of Jack's descriptions, and the way he views the world. Very fast read with short chapters, made it really easy for me to stay focused and zip through it. Highly recommended for college kids just starting out, but even more recommended for older people who have been through the working world, and have met many of the "Freaks" that jack meets. From the "casting couch" to the white couch, to Hazel's couch. The narrator reminded me of Holden Caufield but more worldly, and WAY more funny.
October 31, 2019
An irreverent book that tries to catch the humor and zeitgeist of a bond trader in the late 80’s who comes from humble origins in Spokane. The story is easy to follow. There are a lot of one liners especially ones about fat women usually reserved for frat boy discussions.
A few of the sexcapades were laugh out loud funny. Serious kudos for the humorous writing. But the latter half of the story drags due to the protagonist’s job as a bond trader, not particularly interesting fodder.
3.5 stars. The writing is choppy and dialogue heavy. I read that the author is a screenwriter which might explain his writing style.
A few of the sexcapades were laugh out loud funny. Serious kudos for the humorous writing. But the latter half of the story drags due to the protagonist’s job as a bond trader, not particularly interesting fodder.
3.5 stars. The writing is choppy and dialogue heavy. I read that the author is a screenwriter which might explain his writing style.
November 22, 2015
Won this in a goodreads giveaway..best book i've ever won! hands down! I feel lucky to be among the first reviewers to read this hilarious coming of age classic story of a west coast kid from a smallish town, and seeing the world through his original eyes. I gave my copy to my college nephew.. and he is actually reading it! Read it for sure. If you like the memoir style writing, and humor like David Sedaris, this is the one, IMHO.
December 10, 2015
Hilarious first person account of a sorta-angry, but very funny college grad kid who heads from Spokane to California to prove to everyone his weight in gold. As the protagonist's mother said.. "honey everyone thinks those things, they just don't say them" pretty much sums up the tongue of Jack. Sly slam on American stereotypes with interracial dating, and the "freaks" or his office meets that are keeping him from his fortune. Def recommend.
March 8, 2016
Twisted, sick, wrong... and hilarious!
Legal disclaimer: I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway, and it was a huge score! Jans has created a loveable jerk (that given the author's bio, makes me wonder how fictional this story really is), in a story about corporate finance that manages to be interesting. I highly suggest reading chapter 7 if you need a good laugh. :)
Looking forward to reading the next one from Jans! Thanks again!
Legal disclaimer: I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway, and it was a huge score! Jans has created a loveable jerk (that given the author's bio, makes me wonder how fictional this story really is), in a story about corporate finance that manages to be interesting. I highly suggest reading chapter 7 if you need a good laugh. :)
Looking forward to reading the next one from Jans! Thanks again!
October 20, 2017
This is a very fast read. Set in the 80's Jack moves to LA to become a model/actor. But things don't go the way he expected. With everything going on with Harvey Weinstein, there were several moments in the book where it was just what you think happens in Hollywood. Well written, entertaining and puts a spotlight that there are crazy people out there and people who will do anything to screw over others to make it rich.
September 22, 2015
Kirkus calls it Buchowski-esque, yes, but with a giant helping of Hunter S. Thompson and David Sedaris too. Laughed out loud in many spots, and learned some things about finance I had heard about, but now understand. Smart and funny, and made me think all the crappy first jobs I had. Hopefully this author isn't a one trick pony, cause I like his fast and easy to read writing style.
July 17, 2016
Funny like Sedaris, and Handler, but painfully real like Buchowski and Hunter S. Thompson. I even learned something about finance. The twenty something protagonist and real and absolutely hilarious. Definitely recommend this book.
October 16, 2015
Super funny, easy to read, smart and fast prose. With a great ending message that somehow left me smiling and motivated. Perfect book for the new entitled generation, like myself, who might find themselves college educated and working at Starbucks.
December 20, 2015
Super snarky fun, and a great story with an ending I didn't expect. I was a little skeptical at first, because this is a debut novel, and indy, but it delivered, and makes me want to explore more indy books. The office photo shoot was hilarious.. because the same thing happened in my office!
October 16, 2016
It's not very often that I get halfway through a book and abandon it. This was awful. I cannot figure out why it has such a high rating. It was just more of the same stuff over and over again. I quit.
August 28, 2016
I always feel guilty giving a bad review for a book that I didn't have to pay for, but I did not care for this book in any way. In my opinion, the protagonist is a self absorbed, irresponsible, sexist, racist piece of crap. I did not care what happened to him or really any of the other characters in the book. I didn't find the humor to be especially funny, but I can see Seth Rogan starring in a screenplay of the book. I see that a lot of the reviewers liked the book, but it just wasn't for me.
Full disclosure: I won a free copy of this book in a Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for an honest review.
Full disclosure: I won a free copy of this book in a Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for an honest review.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 247 reviews