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Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment
The #1 New York Times smash bestseller Revised and expanded with new material.
With over two million copies sold, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man has become a bestseller around the world. In conjunction with its second movie sequel to be released this summer, Steve Harvey has updated his classic with new advice and insights.
Whether it’s why women should enforce a “90-Day Probation Period” before they give their men sexual “benefits”—the way Ford motor company withholds medical and dental benefits until an employee has been on the job for 3 months—or explaining to women why men would rather “fix it” than talk about it, Steve Harvey’s advice is always spot-on and laden with warmth and humor. But behind the laughter is his sincere desire to help women understand men.
Now, Steve shares even more relationship wisdom. Does it feel like your man’s friends are against you? What should you know about being a wife, before you say “I Do”? Steve provides the answers to these questions and more, and offers new insights including:
How to put spice into your relationship 8 sure-fire ways to keep your cool when his “ex” shows up A test for you and your partner, to see if you’re actually ready for marriage. . . or need more time A 90-day abstinence calendar, and tips for making it through this important trial periodWith liberal use of his own adventures in love and courtship, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is an honest, compelling, and realistic examination of how men think about love and sex and what women need to know so that they can set realistic expectations of the men in their life.
243 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2009
About the author
Steve Harvey
15 books1,126 followersLibrarian Note:
There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Broderick Steven "Steve" Harvey is an American comedian, actor, entertainer, and radio personality.
He is probably best known as the star of the WB sitcom The Steve Harvey Show, and as one of the four comedians featured in the Spike Lee film The Original Kings of Comedy.
Currently, he is the host of The Steve Harvey Morning Show, a nationally syndicated radio program.
He is also the author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment which was released in March, 2009.
There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Broderick Steven "Steve" Harvey is an American comedian, actor, entertainer, and radio personality.
He is probably best known as the star of the WB sitcom The Steve Harvey Show, and as one of the four comedians featured in the Spike Lee film The Original Kings of Comedy.
Currently, he is the host of The Steve Harvey Morning Show, a nationally syndicated radio program.
He is also the author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment which was released in March, 2009.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,640 reviews
November 29, 2010
Ok so, I definitely have mixed feelings about this book. On one hand, I admire the fact that Steve Harvey gives it to you straight and without a TRACE of subtlety (or sugar-coating if you will), the reasons why the majority of men ARE the way they are, and why we, as women, are unknowingly encouraging them to continue bad habits. He made some very valid points, though I felt that many of them should ALREADY be obvious to woman everywhere (i.e. set standards for yourself, RESPECT yourself in order to be respected, don't accept being just his "plaything"....like, cmon now).
On the other hand-and I suppose this has a lot to do with the fact that I was raised in a time where chivalry was (and still IS) unheard of, and feminist views were strongly imparted in schools and within society- I simply cannot accept Steve's obvious conclusion that women need to put forth MORE than half the effort to land a GOOD man. Steve even goes on to (indirectly) blame women for their cheating spouses; their child's uninvolved father. Call me young and ignorant, but the real truth here, is that boys in this day and age just AREN'T being taught to be REAL MEN anymore. Someone needs to write THEM a self-help book on how to smarten the HELL up.
Overall, I recommend this book for those with an open mind and a need to understand our male counterparts a little better-just take what you need from it.
End venting.
On the other hand-and I suppose this has a lot to do with the fact that I was raised in a time where chivalry was (and still IS) unheard of, and feminist views were strongly imparted in schools and within society- I simply cannot accept Steve's obvious conclusion that women need to put forth MORE than half the effort to land a GOOD man. Steve even goes on to (indirectly) blame women for their cheating spouses; their child's uninvolved father. Call me young and ignorant, but the real truth here, is that boys in this day and age just AREN'T being taught to be REAL MEN anymore. Someone needs to write THEM a self-help book on how to smarten the HELL up.
Overall, I recommend this book for those with an open mind and a need to understand our male counterparts a little better-just take what you need from it.
End venting.
March 22, 2018
This book is complete crap.
Allow me to elaborate, please. Because I have lots to say.
*Disclaimer - a friend asked me to read this with her because she is single and “not sure what she is doing wrong”.
Girl, you aren’t doing anything wrong. And this is not the advice you need.*
Things I learned while reading this (and believe me when I say that most of these are direct quotes):
1.) Men are all very simple people and all basically think in a similar way.
2.) But only straight men. Gay men aren't men. They are "gay men".
3.) The dream most women have - The husband. Some kids. A house. A happy life. True love.
4.) Everything a man does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes). These three things are all that make up the basic DNA of manhood.
5.) As a woman, you will know if a man is serious about you once he claims you (like you are piece of luggage at the airport or something I guess?)
6.) Women are either someone's lady, someone's daughter, or someone's mother. Not ever someone.
7.) It is considered noble and wonderful if we women sit out something we enjoy doing if our man can't do that thing because then he couldn't protect us if something happened.
You guys, I'm only up to Chapter 3 so far.
8.) Men will occasionally cook and/or help out with household chores if there is a reward in it.
9.) For some reason, "the Smithsonian" needs to be hyphenated as "the Smith-sonian".
10.) Sex is always referred to as "the goodies", "a reward", or my favorite "the cookie". And it is basically the biggest reason any man would want to be with you or stay with you. You better not have an off couple of weeks unless you just gave birth (that's the example he gave for an acceptable reason not to give up the cookie).
11.) What is wrong with you for thinking your boyfriend or husband wants to talk to you? "That's what your girlfriends are for." Because "women love to sit and talk for no apparent reason but to talk".
12.) The perfect woman - "capable of interesting conversation (which contradicts the above), you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent (which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets)". That last part contradicts something else later on.
13.) It is the woman's fault if her man is a mama's boy because she hasn't told him not to be.
14.) It is usually the woman's fault that men are cheaters.
15.) Have standards and communicate those standards, but word them so that his fragile ego doesn't take a hit.
16.) A man who is an athiest or agnostic has no moral barometer to make him even consider being loyal.
17.) Vaginas are like insurance benefits that shouldn't kick in until a man has proven himself for 90 days.
18.) Women should pretend that they can't move furniture or fix a broken sink so that men are clear that women need them.
19.) Independent women are lonely.
20.) Steve Harvey is a terrible human being.
It is sexist, misogynistic crap. And honestly, men should be livid that people like Steve are out there saying that men are basically egotistical walking impulses with no discretion, no thoughts, no nurturing instincts, minimal care for their partner's hopes and dreams and needs unless that partner makes his life perfect and easy, and of very little value except for what he brings home and what he can do in bed.
I know most men are better than this. I hope most men are better than this.
Now I need to go take a shower and wash this funky grossness off me.
Allow me to elaborate, please. Because I have lots to say.
*Disclaimer - a friend asked me to read this with her because she is single and “not sure what she is doing wrong”.
Girl, you aren’t doing anything wrong. And this is not the advice you need.*
Things I learned while reading this (and believe me when I say that most of these are direct quotes):
1.) Men are all very simple people and all basically think in a similar way.
2.) But only straight men. Gay men aren't men. They are "gay men".
3.) The dream most women have - The husband. Some kids. A house. A happy life. True love.
4.) Everything a man does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes). These three things are all that make up the basic DNA of manhood.
5.) As a woman, you will know if a man is serious about you once he claims you (like you are piece of luggage at the airport or something I guess?)
6.) Women are either someone's lady, someone's daughter, or someone's mother. Not ever someone.
7.) It is considered noble and wonderful if we women sit out something we enjoy doing if our man can't do that thing because then he couldn't protect us if something happened.
You guys, I'm only up to Chapter 3 so far.
8.) Men will occasionally cook and/or help out with household chores if there is a reward in it.
9.) For some reason, "the Smithsonian" needs to be hyphenated as "the Smith-sonian".
10.) Sex is always referred to as "the goodies", "a reward", or my favorite "the cookie". And it is basically the biggest reason any man would want to be with you or stay with you. You better not have an off couple of weeks unless you just gave birth (that's the example he gave for an acceptable reason not to give up the cookie).
11.) What is wrong with you for thinking your boyfriend or husband wants to talk to you? "That's what your girlfriends are for." Because "women love to sit and talk for no apparent reason but to talk".
12.) The perfect woman - "capable of interesting conversation (which contradicts the above), you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent (which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets)". That last part contradicts something else later on.
13.) It is the woman's fault if her man is a mama's boy because she hasn't told him not to be.
14.) It is usually the woman's fault that men are cheaters.
15.) Have standards and communicate those standards, but word them so that his fragile ego doesn't take a hit.
16.) A man who is an athiest or agnostic has no moral barometer to make him even consider being loyal.
17.) Vaginas are like insurance benefits that shouldn't kick in until a man has proven himself for 90 days.
18.) Women should pretend that they can't move furniture or fix a broken sink so that men are clear that women need them.
19.) Independent women are lonely.
20.) Steve Harvey is a terrible human being.
It is sexist, misogynistic crap. And honestly, men should be livid that people like Steve are out there saying that men are basically egotistical walking impulses with no discretion, no thoughts, no nurturing instincts, minimal care for their partner's hopes and dreams and needs unless that partner makes his life perfect and easy, and of very little value except for what he brings home and what he can do in bed.
I know most men are better than this. I hope most men are better than this.
Now I need to go take a shower and wash this funky grossness off me.
December 13, 2012
بيبدأ المؤلف بالطلب من السيدة اللي بتقرأ الكتاب انها تنسى كل الكلام اللي سمعته عن عقلية الرجل من المجلات أو الراديو والتليفزيون لان كله غلط
الفصل الأول :
الرجل لازم يلاقي اجابات 3 أسئلة :
أنا مين ؟
بأعمل/بأشتغل إيه ؟
بأكسب كام ؟
أو على الأقل يبقي ضامن أو عنده فكرة واضحة عن الطريق لتحقيقهم
قبل ما يلاقي الاجابات الثلاثة مش هيركز فيكي أو يفكر في الالتزام بالارتباط بيكي
الفصل الثاني:
المرأة تعرف ان هذا الرجل يحبها بالفعل بـ 3 حاجات
profess , provide , protect
الأولي انه يعرفها لأهله أو أصدقائه أو الأشخاص المهمين في حياته عموماً - ويسميها على انها his lady مش باسمها ولا على انها صديقة
وده معناه انك موجودة في خططه المستقبلية
التانية انه يصرف عليها ، وان الرجل الحقيقي بيحب يوفر الاحتياجات المادية للمرأة التي يحب ( زوجته المفروض ) وأولاده وتأمينهم مادياً - وانه لو مقدرش يحقق ده بيحس بنقص في رجولته
وان الرجل الحقيقي حتى لو ما قدرش يوفرلها الفلوس هيحاول يعوضها بطرق تانية في حدود المتاح معاه - وانه هيفضل يضحي بشراء ما يفضله علشان يجيبلها احتياجاتها لان لا شئ يعادل نظرة التقدير الحقيقي في عيون المرأة ( الرجال غلابة :d )
وقال كمان ان الرجل لو مش بيعمل كده معاكي يبقي
NOT UR MAN
أو بمعني أصح انتي مش المرأة اللي هو مستعد يعمل علشانها كده
التالتة ان الرجل الحقيقي هيعدي بحور وينط جبال لحماية المرأة التي يحبها ، وذكر أكتر من مثال
الفصل الثالث:
الرجل-أي رجل- محتاج 3 حاجات رئيسية
Support,
Loyality,
The cookie
الأولي : الرجل بيخرج كل يوم للعالم وهو بيواجه الكثير من الضغوط والمنافسات وكأنه بيحارب - ومحتاج لما يرجع البيت يتخلى عن الاحتراس والحذر ده ويحس بالتقدير من زوجته للجهود اللي بيعملها
التانية: الرجل محتاج يعرف ان مهما حصله ومهما الحال اتدحدر بيه يعني زوجته عندها ولاء ليه ومش هتسيبه
التالتة: تعبير عن الاتصال الجسدي،وان ده حاجة مهمة جداً لأي رجل والا هيدور عليه في مكان تاني
الفصل الرابع:
خلاصته ان الستات بيحبوا يحكوا لمجرد الحكي والكلام، الرجل بيدور على حل المشكلة
ما تبدأيش الكلام معاه بـ
We need to talk
لانه كده هيفتكر ان في مشكلة ويجهز دفاعاته ويقعد يحاول يفتكر هو عمل إيه غلط ، بينما انتي بتكوني عايزة تتكلمي وخلاص يعني مفيش مشكلة
الفصل ده حلو وكان فيه كلام تاني مفيد
الفصل الخامس
a man always wants something.Always.And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things:1) if u're willing to sleep with him,and 2)if u're,how much it will cost.
الفصل ده لا يتناسب أوي مع مجتمعنا لكن يظل فيه جمل مفيدة
الفصل السادس
فصل حلو، ممكن أقول انه بيتكلم عن الفرق بين الرجل الجاد واللي جاي يهزر، والست اللي هيكون جاد معاها أو يعتبرها نزوة :D
وان الست هي اللي تقدر تخلي نفسها محل احترام أو نزوة للرجل
الفصل السابع
If ur man truly loves u and he's a real man, he'll figure out a way to get his mom on board with making his woman happy-to smooth everything out so that the relationship can work for all parties involved.
"and honestly, you'll realize it's much better to be in a relationship with a man who loves his mother than it's to be with someone who can't stand the woman who gave birth to him."
الفصل الثامن
Why men cheat?
primary causes are:
- They can
- They think they can get away with it
- He hasn't become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants.
- What's happening at home isn't "happening" like it used to.
- The biggest reason of all: There's always a woman outthere willing to cheat with him.
الفصل التاسع
Men respect standards-get some
& learn how to introduce them.
الفصل العاشر
خمس أسئلة لازم تساليهم له ومن حقك تحصلي على اجابة-الرجل الحقيقي هيجاوب عليهم مش لازم الاجابة تعجبك لكن هيجاوب:
1.What are ur short-term goals?
2.What are ur long term goals?
3.What are ur views on relationships?
4.What do u think about me?
5.How do u feel about me?
ومن الاجابات هتقدري تحددي حاجات كتير
الفصل الحادي عشر
The ninty-day rule:
Getting the respect u deserve
خلال الـ 90 يوم دول لاحظي تصرفاته واخرجي منها باجابات الاسئلة دى
-How does he react when you tell him u've got some problems?
-How does ur man react under pressure?
-How does he react to bad news?
-How does he react when he's told "No" ?
الفصل الثاني عشر
If he's meeting the kids after u decide he's "The One", it's too late
لو عندك أولاد أو عنده أولاد
الفصل الثالث عشر
شئ جميل انك تكوني قوية ومستقلة وناجحة لكن في نفس الوقت الرجل محتاج انه يصرف على ويحمي المرأة المسئول عنها علشان يحس برجولته فراعي ده
ومهم جدا تقدريه
مفيد
الفصل الرابع عشر
How to get the ring
الفصل الخامس عشر
Quick answers to the questions u've always wanted to ask.
الفصل الأول :
الرجل لازم يلاقي اجابات 3 أسئلة :
أنا مين ؟
بأعمل/بأشتغل إيه ؟
بأكسب كام ؟
أو على الأقل يبقي ضامن أو عنده فكرة واضحة عن الطريق لتحقيقهم
قبل ما يلاقي الاجابات الثلاثة مش هيركز فيكي أو يفكر في الالتزام بالارتباط بيكي
الفصل الثاني:
المرأة تعرف ان هذا الرجل يحبها بالفعل بـ 3 حاجات
profess , provide , protect
الأولي انه يعرفها لأهله أو أصدقائه أو الأشخاص المهمين في حياته عموماً - ويسميها على انها his lady مش باسمها ولا على انها صديقة
وده معناه انك موجودة في خططه المستقبلية
التانية انه يصرف عليها ، وان الرجل الحقيقي بيحب يوفر الاحتياجات المادية للمرأة التي يحب ( زوجته المفروض ) وأولاده وتأمينهم مادياً - وانه لو مقدرش يحقق ده بيحس بنقص في رجولته
وان الرجل الحقيقي حتى لو ما قدرش يوفرلها الفلوس هيحاول يعوضها بطرق تانية في حدود المتاح معاه - وانه هيفضل يضحي بشراء ما يفضله علشان يجيبلها احتياجاتها لان لا شئ يعادل نظرة التقدير الحقيقي في عيون المرأة ( الرجال غلابة :d )
وقال كمان ان الرجل لو مش بيعمل كده معاكي يبقي
NOT UR MAN
أو بمعني أصح انتي مش المرأة اللي هو مستعد يعمل علشانها كده
التالتة ان الرجل الحقيقي هيعدي بحور وينط جبال لحماية المرأة التي يحبها ، وذكر أكتر من مثال
الفصل الثالث:
الرجل-أي رجل- محتاج 3 حاجات رئيسية
Support,
Loyality,
The cookie
الأولي : الرجل بيخرج كل يوم للعالم وهو بيواجه الكثير من الضغوط والمنافسات وكأنه بيحارب - ومحتاج لما يرجع البيت يتخلى عن الاحتراس والحذر ده ويحس بالتقدير من زوجته للجهود اللي بيعملها
التانية: الرجل محتاج يعرف ان مهما حصله ومهما الحال اتدحدر بيه يعني زوجته عندها ولاء ليه ومش هتسيبه
التالتة: تعبير عن الاتصال الجسدي،وان ده حاجة مهمة جداً لأي رجل والا هيدور عليه في مكان تاني
الفصل الرابع:
خلاصته ان الستات بيحبوا يحكوا لمجرد الحكي والكلام، الرجل بيدور على حل المشكلة
ما تبدأيش الكلام معاه بـ
We need to talk
لانه كده هيفتكر ان في مشكلة ويجهز دفاعاته ويقعد يحاول يفتكر هو عمل إيه غلط ، بينما انتي بتكوني عايزة تتكلمي وخلاص يعني مفيش مشكلة
الفصل ده حلو وكان فيه كلام تاني مفيد
الفصل الخامس
a man always wants something.Always.And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things:1) if u're willing to sleep with him,and 2)if u're,how much it will cost.
الفصل ده لا يتناسب أوي مع مجتمعنا لكن يظل فيه جمل مفيدة
الفصل السادس
فصل حلو، ممكن أقول انه بيتكلم عن الفرق بين الرجل الجاد واللي جاي يهزر، والست اللي هيكون جاد معاها أو يعتبرها نزوة :D
وان الست هي اللي تقدر تخلي نفسها محل احترام أو نزوة للرجل
الفصل السابع
If ur man truly loves u and he's a real man, he'll figure out a way to get his mom on board with making his woman happy-to smooth everything out so that the relationship can work for all parties involved.
"and honestly, you'll realize it's much better to be in a relationship with a man who loves his mother than it's to be with someone who can't stand the woman who gave birth to him."
الفصل الثامن
Why men cheat?
primary causes are:
- They can
- They think they can get away with it
- He hasn't become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants.
- What's happening at home isn't "happening" like it used to.
- The biggest reason of all: There's always a woman outthere willing to cheat with him.
الفصل التاسع
Men respect standards-get some
& learn how to introduce them.
الفصل العاشر
خمس أسئلة لازم تساليهم له ومن حقك تحصلي على اجابة-الرجل الحقيقي هيجاوب عليهم مش لازم الاجابة تعجبك لكن هيجاوب:
1.What are ur short-term goals?
2.What are ur long term goals?
3.What are ur views on relationships?
4.What do u think about me?
5.How do u feel about me?
ومن الاجابات هتقدري تحددي حاجات كتير
الفصل الحادي عشر
The ninty-day rule:
Getting the respect u deserve
خلال الـ 90 يوم دول لاحظي تصرفاته واخرجي منها باجابات الاسئلة دى
-How does he react when you tell him u've got some problems?
-How does ur man react under pressure?
-How does he react to bad news?
-How does he react when he's told "No" ?
الفصل الثاني عشر
If he's meeting the kids after u decide he's "The One", it's too late
لو عندك أولاد أو عنده أولاد
الفصل الثالث عشر
شئ جميل انك تكوني قوية ومستقلة وناجحة لكن في نفس الوقت الرجل محتاج انه يصرف على ويحمي المرأة المسئول عنها علشان يحس برجولته فراعي ده
ومهم جدا تقدريه
مفيد
الفصل الرابع عشر
How to get the ring
الفصل الخامس عشر
Quick answers to the questions u've always wanted to ask.
March 5, 2012
This book actually angered me quite a bit. It's a one-sided critique hammering away that women aren't happy in relationships because they are doing something wrong. It assumes that women are the ones who need to change in order to be happy in a relationship, as if men were perfect in their existence, and it is women who are still struggling to achieve that same level of perfection. Even when Harvey discusses men who treat women like dirt and use them for sex, he turns it around on women, claiming that it's the woman's behavior that caused the man to treat her that way - men are above fault and blame.
There are so many double standards in the book it was disturbing. I think Harvey would have been happier had he come to age in the 50s when women were expected to do nothing more than put rollers in their hair, cook and change diapers. This book basically assumes that it is the woman who needs to adjust her expectation regarding what a relationship should consist of as if she have no right to demand what it is that she wants in a relationship and a partner. "Lower your expectations, change your behavior ladies!," Harvey implies, "because men aren't going to change and they must be right, so you have to do all the work!" If all men are as Harvey describes them I'll just stay single.
There are so many double standards in the book it was disturbing. I think Harvey would have been happier had he come to age in the 50s when women were expected to do nothing more than put rollers in their hair, cook and change diapers. This book basically assumes that it is the woman who needs to adjust her expectation regarding what a relationship should consist of as if she have no right to demand what it is that she wants in a relationship and a partner. "Lower your expectations, change your behavior ladies!," Harvey implies, "because men aren't going to change and they must be right, so you have to do all the work!" If all men are as Harvey describes them I'll just stay single.
March 10, 2012
I'm actually going to review this book as I read it. I actually find it very simplistic in dealing with relationships. Steve here deems men to be simple creatures who are all basically the same regardless of upbringing, culture or creed. He makes some really sweeping assumptions about both men and women. The fact that he assumes that all men are running some sort of game on us women tells me that he really does not have a broad view of people. To me the book sounds like the advice that a father gives to his girl child before he allows her to go on dates with guys, just to make sure that she is not duped into sleeping with them.
I must say the book is an extremely easy read as I was able to finish it within 24hours. But honestly towards the end I was really tired of the advice that Steve is dishing out. I’m honestly surprised that this book has made it to the best seller list and I guess it’s a testament as to how desperate we are as women to try and have successful relationships with these men. It is really sad to think that so many women are desperately seeking solutions in dealing with their relationships to no avail.
Now back to my review of the book, really the best thing about it is the fact that it is such an easy read and that you really don’t spend that much time getting through it. Which in itself is a blessing as honestly the advice does become a bit tedious towards the end. Really the whole book is a bit of a big joke and looking at it from that perspective makes reading it bearable.
Obviously not everything he says in the books is trash but in the same breath he really does not delve much deeper into the subject. The classic mistake he makes is in assuming that all men are the same and all women are looking for the same things in relationships. Mind you there is an audience for this book, narrow as it may be. But following everything he says in this book to the letter will really reduce your relationship to a game instead of something in which two grown intelligent people are building.
In terms of the advice it all sounds like the advice that a father will give to his daughter before she goes out on her first date. And this is evident when Steve retells the incident between his father in law and one his daughter's dates. It’s all the warning that a father will give his daughter to make sure that the men out there don't take advantage of her and use her for sex. Some of this advice might apply to a teenager getting to grips with the opposite sex. But once you reach a certain level of wisdom and maturing really the game playing is out of the question.
The fact that he assumes that as women we have no idea what some men are after really belittles our intelligence. Of course we know and sometimes it is exactly the same thing that we are after, sex. I just find the book a little condescending towards wise and experienced women because in all honesty if I have to run a game on you, in order to get you, then maybe we should not even be doing this thing.
I must say the book is an extremely easy read as I was able to finish it within 24hours. But honestly towards the end I was really tired of the advice that Steve is dishing out. I’m honestly surprised that this book has made it to the best seller list and I guess it’s a testament as to how desperate we are as women to try and have successful relationships with these men. It is really sad to think that so many women are desperately seeking solutions in dealing with their relationships to no avail.
Now back to my review of the book, really the best thing about it is the fact that it is such an easy read and that you really don’t spend that much time getting through it. Which in itself is a blessing as honestly the advice does become a bit tedious towards the end. Really the whole book is a bit of a big joke and looking at it from that perspective makes reading it bearable.
Obviously not everything he says in the books is trash but in the same breath he really does not delve much deeper into the subject. The classic mistake he makes is in assuming that all men are the same and all women are looking for the same things in relationships. Mind you there is an audience for this book, narrow as it may be. But following everything he says in this book to the letter will really reduce your relationship to a game instead of something in which two grown intelligent people are building.
In terms of the advice it all sounds like the advice that a father will give to his daughter before she goes out on her first date. And this is evident when Steve retells the incident between his father in law and one his daughter's dates. It’s all the warning that a father will give his daughter to make sure that the men out there don't take advantage of her and use her for sex. Some of this advice might apply to a teenager getting to grips with the opposite sex. But once you reach a certain level of wisdom and maturing really the game playing is out of the question.
The fact that he assumes that as women we have no idea what some men are after really belittles our intelligence. Of course we know and sometimes it is exactly the same thing that we are after, sex. I just find the book a little condescending towards wise and experienced women because in all honesty if I have to run a game on you, in order to get you, then maybe we should not even be doing this thing.
Shelved as 'are-you-shitting-me'
April 7, 2012This is a movie now? Are you fucking kidding me? Sure, why wouldn't I take relationship advice from a some fourth-rate hack comedian whose greatest accomplishment is hosting Family Feud (which apparently wasn't canceled in 1989)? Clearly this guy is a relationship expert since he's been married three times himself, so who better to tell us women how to act right for our man. I especially like the casting of unapologetic woman beater Chris Brown for the movie.
Sadly I actually have a friend who owns this book, in answer to my ridicule she tells me it's 'not so bad', but then she's also reminds me exactly how much time I have left to breed every single time I see her, so I guess she's the target demographic, whereas I'm just disgusted by self help books in general, and Steve Harvey as a human being specifically. The only book this guy is qualified to write is "How to Make Money in Comedy Without Being the Least Bit Funny", really, a self-help book for women written by a thrice-married egomaniac made into a movie starring a women beater . . . The only way it could be better is if had a crossdressing Tyler Perry.
Sadly I actually have a friend who owns this book, in answer to my ridicule she tells me it's 'not so bad', but then she's also reminds me exactly how much time I have left to breed every single time I see her, so I guess she's the target demographic, whereas I'm just disgusted by self help books in general, and Steve Harvey as a human being specifically. The only book this guy is qualified to write is "How to Make Money in Comedy Without Being the Least Bit Funny", really, a self-help book for women written by a thrice-married egomaniac made into a movie starring a women beater . . . The only way it could be better is if had a crossdressing Tyler Perry.
June 2, 2009
There are so many things wrong about the advice in this book. I mean, right off the bat, he admires his wife for giving up scuba diving because he is afraid something will happen to her. He actually applauds her for giving up something she loves to do. And what the hell is wrong with wearing a t-shirt to bed? My husband happens to think it's sexy. Follow the advice in this book and you'll find yourself back in the stone ages being drug to the man cave with a huge bump on your head. Not all men think this way. I'm married to one who doesn't. I gave up and didn't finish the book about three-fourths the way through. It's a shame how he objectifies women. It's also a shame that this book is on the best sellers' list. I feel guilty for contributing to this book's success by buying a copy. Ugg.
January 3, 2019
First read April 6, 2009:
A quick, easy read that wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. Mr. Harvey gives straight, common sense advice about men that could be used by teenage girls just beginning the dating cycle to women married/divorced with kids. Several of his examples are with divorced women with kids: when to introduce your kids to the man you are dating; if a man is truly interested in a long-term relationship he will make an effort to include your kids on dates, etc.
As for younger women starting to date, this book could be very insightful. Respect yourself and a good man will respect you. He recommends not having the first sexual encounter for 90 days. Uses the advice of starting a new job and having to wait 90 days for the "benefits" to kick in (health insurance). Men can do it if it's important to them, if it's not they move and women are better off knowing early on. I felt the book was primarily geared toward young women just starting to date...
As for married women, Mr. Harvey gives some advice on keeping your man happy at home. Why they cheat and who they cheat with. He states that men will cheat if they aren't getting "the cookie" at home or if "the cookie" is not like he wants it to be. He mentioned that men will cheat and not consider it cheating, just having sex. I laughed at his joke about how men will deny their butts off when caught cheating--even in mid "pump" with their social security numbers tattooed on their butts. There is a section on forgiving a man who has cheated, too.
He mentions how women should deal with a momma's boy. What questions a women should ask a man she is dating (both early in the relationship and later). He explains what type of answers women should receive if the guy is committed to a long-term relationship or a fling. He uses the analogy of sports fishing: keeping and tossing back. He talks about the first words out of a woman's mouth when a guy begins talking to her. Women set the stage for how the guy will see them and treat them: long term material or a quick toss. He mentions how men will do almost anything to get sex and how not to be used for sex if your goal is a long-term relationship.
Mr. Harvey gives a brief insight into his own life at the beginning of each chapter, then delves into the topics that range from:
The Mind Set of a Man:
- Three things that drive a man:
1. Who they are
2. What they do
3. How much they make
Why Men Do What They Do
- This section was neat to read because it talked about how men behave--if they love you--particularly for married men.
How to Win the Game
A quick, easy read that wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. Mr. Harvey gives straight, common sense advice about men that could be used by teenage girls just beginning the dating cycle to women married/divorced with kids. Several of his examples are with divorced women with kids: when to introduce your kids to the man you are dating; if a man is truly interested in a long-term relationship he will make an effort to include your kids on dates, etc.
As for younger women starting to date, this book could be very insightful. Respect yourself and a good man will respect you. He recommends not having the first sexual encounter for 90 days. Uses the advice of starting a new job and having to wait 90 days for the "benefits" to kick in (health insurance). Men can do it if it's important to them, if it's not they move and women are better off knowing early on. I felt the book was primarily geared toward young women just starting to date...
As for married women, Mr. Harvey gives some advice on keeping your man happy at home. Why they cheat and who they cheat with. He states that men will cheat if they aren't getting "the cookie" at home or if "the cookie" is not like he wants it to be. He mentioned that men will cheat and not consider it cheating, just having sex. I laughed at his joke about how men will deny their butts off when caught cheating--even in mid "pump" with their social security numbers tattooed on their butts. There is a section on forgiving a man who has cheated, too.
He mentions how women should deal with a momma's boy. What questions a women should ask a man she is dating (both early in the relationship and later). He explains what type of answers women should receive if the guy is committed to a long-term relationship or a fling. He uses the analogy of sports fishing: keeping and tossing back. He talks about the first words out of a woman's mouth when a guy begins talking to her. Women set the stage for how the guy will see them and treat them: long term material or a quick toss. He mentions how men will do almost anything to get sex and how not to be used for sex if your goal is a long-term relationship.
Mr. Harvey gives a brief insight into his own life at the beginning of each chapter, then delves into the topics that range from:
The Mind Set of a Man:
- Three things that drive a man:
1. Who they are
2. What they do
3. How much they make
Why Men Do What They Do
- This section was neat to read because it talked about how men behave--if they love you--particularly for married men.
How to Win the Game
October 17, 2010
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by comedian, Steve Harvey, is as simple as the title. Moreover, Harvey insists all men are simple, like him. Also, all women are complicated, nurturing, irrational beings, or if not, they should fake it so they can get a good man. According to this book, whenever a “real man” chats with a woman it is because he wants to sleep with her. Mr. Harvey compares dating to sport fishing: a woman who is too easy is a “throwback,” not a “keeper.” So, ladies, if you want to be kept by a 55-year-old talk show host, this book is for you.
I only read the book because I track the most popular books in the browsing collection at Rhode Island College, and this book has circulated many times. Perhaps everyone who borrowed it expected a book by a comedian to be funny, or at least witty. Perhaps, like me, they were all disappointed.
I only read the book because I track the most popular books in the browsing collection at Rhode Island College, and this book has circulated many times. Perhaps everyone who borrowed it expected a book by a comedian to be funny, or at least witty. Perhaps, like me, they were all disappointed.
July 16, 2009
Advice for the desperate?
I guess someone who's having a lot of trouble getting married might find this book helpful. I have never found men to be all that simplistic. I also don't need some guy telling me how to be a girl ("don't paint"). Okay, the guys can do the heavy lifting, they're much better equipped for it, but I'm from a generation of women who decided nobody was going to tell us what to do, or what not to do, including painting, mowing the lawn, and finding what's making that funny noise in the car. And we seem to have gotten married at the same rate as women from the fifties, which is the decade this book sounds like it came from.
I have to question the sanity of someone who says that we all know women run the household, but women should continue to let men think they run it. He knows this, and he still says that? If he's aware of it women are not doing such a hot job of letting men think they run things, are they?
I thought it was particularly sad when the author related how his wife had given up sports she loved, like scuba diving, because he, not knowing how to do those things, could not protect her while she did them.
Being a comedian and not a social scientist, he seems blissfully oblivious to the fact that not all men are raised exactly the way he was and men don't all think alike, not by a long shot.
I guess someone who's having a lot of trouble getting married might find this book helpful. I have never found men to be all that simplistic. I also don't need some guy telling me how to be a girl ("don't paint"). Okay, the guys can do the heavy lifting, they're much better equipped for it, but I'm from a generation of women who decided nobody was going to tell us what to do, or what not to do, including painting, mowing the lawn, and finding what's making that funny noise in the car. And we seem to have gotten married at the same rate as women from the fifties, which is the decade this book sounds like it came from.
I have to question the sanity of someone who says that we all know women run the household, but women should continue to let men think they run it. He knows this, and he still says that? If he's aware of it women are not doing such a hot job of letting men think they run things, are they?
I thought it was particularly sad when the author related how his wife had given up sports she loved, like scuba diving, because he, not knowing how to do those things, could not protect her while she did them.
Being a comedian and not a social scientist, he seems blissfully oblivious to the fact that not all men are raised exactly the way he was and men don't all think alike, not by a long shot.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 17, 2021
I love Steve as a TV persona, but that was awfully sexist.
March 7, 2013
I'm sorry to say this, but this book is a JOKE. The first half of the book, it acted like it was talking to smart women, telling women what drives men and how to make your man feel like a man. Then the second half was talking to dumb, easy girls, making sure they have standards for themselves and don't be clinging to a guy who has other women hanging on his other arm. It didn't flow into "this is what you need to do next" from the beginning.
Another thing he does, is has women making lists of how she wants her man to be! Every girl in her right mind who has read a good relationship book knows not to make a "list" about what her "dream" man is. It's such unrealistic expectations to say you want a 100% gorgeous, funny, smart man.
Here's an example of how he's not clear: "And if we can't exercise two of the major components that make up who we are as men—providing and protecting—then we're not about to profess our love for you." THEN he says, "Don't give up your money, or your job, or your education, or the pride and dignity that come with all of that. Just be a lady." Women will NEED to give up their pride in order to have a healthy relationship.
Another thing: He's not very clear on which side of the board he's on for ANY points. For instance, he expects a woman to take care of her family, take care of her husband, keep a clean house, cook, let the man provide and protect, etc. yet he says men like women who are independent and don't "reach in his pockets" and "it's a necessity for both the husband and the wife to work to make ends meet", and then "most men would not have a problem with his woman staying home." And then in the Q&A section, he says "most men who really care about you won't think anything of (women asking for money) if they have it." ??? Which is it? Is she a "gold digger" or "relying on her man"?! And then, he wants them to wear heels on top of all this (in the Q&A section he even says that he doesn't know a single man who prefers women in flats and "If we could get athletic shoes with heels for women, we would!") I personally believe that for me, as a woman, my place will be in the home, and my future husband's place is providing for the family. These are natural human instincts, like he mentioned before about the man wanting to provide. Why make it more confusing than it is?!
I hate to bring up this issue, but he comes off as racist. All his examples are of "black character", I guess you could say. Talking about "gold diggers" and "mama's boys" and the like. Me, being white, can't relate to the examples of these black women.
Another thing: he says a woman needs to have her man say this to her: "When I don't see you, I miss talking to you, I always wonder what you're doing and whenever you come around, I just feel better—you're the type of woman I've been trying to find." And he goes on to say, "In other words, his answer has to make you feel wonderful. He may not be in love with you just yet, but he's crazy about you and he's probably thinking he wants to explore a long-term commitment with you..." He has to explain himself on everything because he is not clear. He has no examples of good, healthy marriages in this book, to prove his point. It's all on a whim and what he believes. He puts all men in one category and it proves absolutely nothing. I think this book emasculates men! His relationship story with his wife doesn't convince me that he has good advice! What man says "I'm going to marry you someday!" when she walks into the room? I told my brother (who is 19!) about the things in this book and he agreed with me! Steve Harvey is a confusing male and doesn't have business writing a "self-improvement" book.
I do think it's great that he advises to lay your expectations of a relationship out on the table and not to have sex for 90 days. Couples who want sex before they really know each other need to take the time to get to know each other first, but isn't this a pretty obvious point?
I also like how he advises women to re-word what they're trying to say to their man to make him feel like man. We're wired different and communicate different.
After telling women they need to act like a lady, he says this: "This "If he wants to marry me, he'll ask me" thing has got to stop. Because we're not going to ask you when you're ready—we're going to play with you until you give us your requirements and standards and stand by them. I'm not telling you to get on bended knee. I'm telling you to set a timeline for the ring and the date, and tell the man you want to married to what it is." Talk about pushy! Every woman knows that if you've talked to your man about marriage and he hasn't made a move, chances are, he's not ready! Whatever happened to the beginning of the book where he said men cheat because they haven't found out who they are yet? Well, chances are, he's not giving you a ring because he hasn't found out who he is.
In the Q&A section, a question asks "What do men think of women who buy drinks?" and he says "It's a total come-on. In our mind, if you want to buy us a drink, you want us. And if we think you want us, well, we're coming in for the kill." Really? So scratch all that talk about a guy's instincts to pursue a woman and chase her?
Anybody wanting a true relationship book shouldn't read this. The only reason I wanted to finish it was to say I finished it all the way through (in case, at the end, he says "just kidding!") and to make a review on here. I wouldn't really say it was a waste of time though, because I got to see what men NOT to marry. Go read Dr. Laura. She tells of true, healthy relationships! ;)
Another thing he does, is has women making lists of how she wants her man to be! Every girl in her right mind who has read a good relationship book knows not to make a "list" about what her "dream" man is. It's such unrealistic expectations to say you want a 100% gorgeous, funny, smart man.
Here's an example of how he's not clear: "And if we can't exercise two of the major components that make up who we are as men—providing and protecting—then we're not about to profess our love for you." THEN he says, "Don't give up your money, or your job, or your education, or the pride and dignity that come with all of that. Just be a lady." Women will NEED to give up their pride in order to have a healthy relationship.
Another thing: He's not very clear on which side of the board he's on for ANY points. For instance, he expects a woman to take care of her family, take care of her husband, keep a clean house, cook, let the man provide and protect, etc. yet he says men like women who are independent and don't "reach in his pockets" and "it's a necessity for both the husband and the wife to work to make ends meet", and then "most men would not have a problem with his woman staying home." And then in the Q&A section, he says "most men who really care about you won't think anything of (women asking for money) if they have it." ??? Which is it? Is she a "gold digger" or "relying on her man"?! And then, he wants them to wear heels on top of all this (in the Q&A section he even says that he doesn't know a single man who prefers women in flats and "If we could get athletic shoes with heels for women, we would!") I personally believe that for me, as a woman, my place will be in the home, and my future husband's place is providing for the family. These are natural human instincts, like he mentioned before about the man wanting to provide. Why make it more confusing than it is?!
I hate to bring up this issue, but he comes off as racist. All his examples are of "black character", I guess you could say. Talking about "gold diggers" and "mama's boys" and the like. Me, being white, can't relate to the examples of these black women.
Another thing: he says a woman needs to have her man say this to her: "When I don't see you, I miss talking to you, I always wonder what you're doing and whenever you come around, I just feel better—you're the type of woman I've been trying to find." And he goes on to say, "In other words, his answer has to make you feel wonderful. He may not be in love with you just yet, but he's crazy about you and he's probably thinking he wants to explore a long-term commitment with you..." He has to explain himself on everything because he is not clear. He has no examples of good, healthy marriages in this book, to prove his point. It's all on a whim and what he believes. He puts all men in one category and it proves absolutely nothing. I think this book emasculates men! His relationship story with his wife doesn't convince me that he has good advice! What man says "I'm going to marry you someday!" when she walks into the room? I told my brother (who is 19!) about the things in this book and he agreed with me! Steve Harvey is a confusing male and doesn't have business writing a "self-improvement" book.
I do think it's great that he advises to lay your expectations of a relationship out on the table and not to have sex for 90 days. Couples who want sex before they really know each other need to take the time to get to know each other first, but isn't this a pretty obvious point?
I also like how he advises women to re-word what they're trying to say to their man to make him feel like man. We're wired different and communicate different.
After telling women they need to act like a lady, he says this: "This "If he wants to marry me, he'll ask me" thing has got to stop. Because we're not going to ask you when you're ready—we're going to play with you until you give us your requirements and standards and stand by them. I'm not telling you to get on bended knee. I'm telling you to set a timeline for the ring and the date, and tell the man you want to married to what it is." Talk about pushy! Every woman knows that if you've talked to your man about marriage and he hasn't made a move, chances are, he's not ready! Whatever happened to the beginning of the book where he said men cheat because they haven't found out who they are yet? Well, chances are, he's not giving you a ring because he hasn't found out who he is.
In the Q&A section, a question asks "What do men think of women who buy drinks?" and he says "It's a total come-on. In our mind, if you want to buy us a drink, you want us. And if we think you want us, well, we're coming in for the kill." Really? So scratch all that talk about a guy's instincts to pursue a woman and chase her?
Anybody wanting a true relationship book shouldn't read this. The only reason I wanted to finish it was to say I finished it all the way through (in case, at the end, he says "just kidding!") and to make a review on here. I wouldn't really say it was a waste of time though, because I got to see what men NOT to marry. Go read Dr. Laura. She tells of true, healthy relationships! ;)
September 22, 2013
This book is totally sexist and simple-minded. It's pretty upsetting to me that this is a best seller. In our capitalist world, it's exactly the sort of book that a publisher sees, think big money, and nothing more. It's so far from a good piece of literature, so far from a story or advice that has to and must be told, that I want to tear it up and throw it in the trash. (Not that I expected it to be Charles Dickens or anything.)
I read it on a friend's recommendation and out of curiosity. While a very few points are insightful, most of the book is incredibly offensive and belittling of women. I cannot believe the chapter, "Why Men Cheat." He's basically saying, men cheat because they can and it's probably the woman's fault. He's constantly contradicting himself. At some points in the book he emphasizes the need to be straightforward, but then there's a whole section where he's giving advice about how I you should twist your words in such a way as to be "gentle" so that a man doesn't feel less like a man.
I honestly don't know where the advice is in the chapter about being an independent woman. He relays this story of a friend who left his girlfriend because she threw his pineapple juice on the floor at a grocery store. Anyone would agree that is a horrible and mean-spirited thing to do to someone. But Steve Harvey generalizes as if that's just the very sort of thing an independent woman would do. Independent women have to play the role of a helpless "girl" to get a man... Really? Are you really saying "be a girl"? He should have stuck with the "act like a lady" bit at the end of that chapter, but it seriously says "how to be a girl on a date/in the house." So offensive!
I skimmed through the Q&A section, which had the dumbest questions and answers I have ever seen. This book seems to be for women who are just not very intelligent, if he proclaims that those are the sorts of questions that "every woman" is dying to know the answers to.
In any case, we should probably take the advice of a man whose current wife was his former mistress with a few grains of--or maybe a salt shaker's worth of-- salt.
How did he become a relationship expert?
I read it on a friend's recommendation and out of curiosity. While a very few points are insightful, most of the book is incredibly offensive and belittling of women. I cannot believe the chapter, "Why Men Cheat." He's basically saying, men cheat because they can and it's probably the woman's fault. He's constantly contradicting himself. At some points in the book he emphasizes the need to be straightforward, but then there's a whole section where he's giving advice about how I you should twist your words in such a way as to be "gentle" so that a man doesn't feel less like a man.
I honestly don't know where the advice is in the chapter about being an independent woman. He relays this story of a friend who left his girlfriend because she threw his pineapple juice on the floor at a grocery store. Anyone would agree that is a horrible and mean-spirited thing to do to someone. But Steve Harvey generalizes as if that's just the very sort of thing an independent woman would do. Independent women have to play the role of a helpless "girl" to get a man... Really? Are you really saying "be a girl"? He should have stuck with the "act like a lady" bit at the end of that chapter, but it seriously says "how to be a girl on a date/in the house." So offensive!
I skimmed through the Q&A section, which had the dumbest questions and answers I have ever seen. This book seems to be for women who are just not very intelligent, if he proclaims that those are the sorts of questions that "every woman" is dying to know the answers to.
In any case, we should probably take the advice of a man whose current wife was his former mistress with a few grains of--or maybe a salt shaker's worth of-- salt.
How did he become a relationship expert?
March 30, 2022
"ان السبب الأول للفشل هو الخوف من الفشل. فالخوف يشلّ حركتك ويمنعك من البدء بأي عمل. لا تخافي من خسارته لأن الرجل الذي يحبك حباً صادقاً لن يبتعد عنك."
March 3, 2009
I saw this book being promoted on "Oprah" one afternoon (rarity, since I typically work until 5) and thought he made a lot of sense. So, I picked the book up and within 2 days I read it cover to cover. Excellent. I recommend it for any woman struggling with relationships with men. It brought a lot of clarity to what I have been going through and made me realize what to look for in men.
January 9, 2014
This book is a bit oldfashioned, and I don't agree with everything the author says. Still, it would not hurt girls and women to read it. Might make them think. Would make a great gift for a girl/woman who tends to get too cosy with a man at too early a stage of a new relationship.
February 7, 2017
تعتبر خطيئة كبيرة أن تبدا عامك الجديد بقراءة هذا النوع من الكتب خصوصا إنني اخرج دائما خالية الوفاض
فما شأني برجل وماشأني بالمرأة
عذرا عامي الجديد سوف أكون اكثر حذرا ويقظة
وتوبة
توبة
توبة
فما شأني برجل وماشأني بالمرأة
عذرا عامي الجديد سوف أكون اكثر حذرا ويقظة
وتوبة
توبة
توبة
January 9, 2014
Just some more cliche'd rubbish spouted forth in order to make a few bucks.
August 31, 2009
Not since Mirabel Morgan published "Total Woman" in the 70's has there been such a load of fresh tripe. I know----the title should have clued me in, but a friend highly recommended it and I fell for it. Suffice it to say, most of the men I know do not think like this man. None of the women I know act like the ladies in this book. For example, Mr. Harvey describes the concept that men have a need to protect their wives, and uses the following illustration. His wife likes to scuba dive but he doesn't. They go somewhere with a group tour on a boat. His wife dons gear and goes underwater. He becomes nervous and threatens to kill everyone on the boat if anything happens to his wife. His wife returns safely but she gives up diving because she can see it makes him nervous. She's not angry. In fact, she says, "Thanks for caring, honey." funnnneeeee!
August 26, 2016
From the title, I expected the book to explore the wonders of the human brain and explain the difference between males and females.
After I finished the book, however, I couldn't remember anything related to the idea presented in the title. The author quoted it once, or maybe twice, without explaining his point any further.
I was very irritated by the author's style and language. He's definitely not a professional writer. If this was an e-book, the style would have gone unnoticed. But for a book, it's too casual and extremely redundant.
Basically, I see this book as a description of the author and his experience in dating his (second?) wife Marjorie, who was a single mother back then. In this description, Harvey refers to himself as "we" and "all men", and refers to his lady as "you" and "all women".
Would everything he said apply to every single man and woman out there? Absolutely not!
According to the author, men are very, very simple creatures, whereas women are irrational beings, feeling happy one moment, and going completely crazy the following minute.
(...)
Now, the part that made me want to throw the book against the wall (but I didn't, because I was reading on the iPad) was about cheating.
Here is why men cheat according to Harvey:
1) Because they can.
2) Because it's the wife's fault.
3) Because other women are willing to be with married men.
But wait, don't get mad just yet.
Cheating means nothing for a man. No, no. Rest assured ladies. It only means that you are not giving him the "cookie", so he went looking for it elsewhere. But it means absolutely nothing, because you know what? You are still the lady of his heart of hearts.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! Right?
NO!
I definitely don't recommend this book at all.
I believe it was popular only because the author promoted it on his successful radio show.
If the author gives this same advice on his show, then I can't imagine why it's successful. I just can't.
After I finished the book, however, I couldn't remember anything related to the idea presented in the title. The author quoted it once, or maybe twice, without explaining his point any further.
I was very irritated by the author's style and language. He's definitely not a professional writer. If this was an e-book, the style would have gone unnoticed. But for a book, it's too casual and extremely redundant.
Basically, I see this book as a description of the author and his experience in dating his (second?) wife Marjorie, who was a single mother back then. In this description, Harvey refers to himself as "we" and "all men", and refers to his lady as "you" and "all women".
Would everything he said apply to every single man and woman out there? Absolutely not!
According to the author, men are very, very simple creatures, whereas women are irrational beings, feeling happy one moment, and going completely crazy the following minute.
(...)
Now, the part that made me want to throw the book against the wall (but I didn't, because I was reading on the iPad) was about cheating.
Here is why men cheat according to Harvey:
1) Because they can.
2) Because it's the wife's fault.
3) Because other women are willing to be with married men.
But wait, don't get mad just yet.
Cheating means nothing for a man. No, no. Rest assured ladies. It only means that you are not giving him the "cookie", so he went looking for it elsewhere. But it means absolutely nothing, because you know what? You are still the lady of his heart of hearts.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! Right?
NO!
I definitely don't recommend this book at all.
I believe it was popular only because the author promoted it on his successful radio show.
If the author gives this same advice on his show, then I can't imagine why it's successful. I just can't.
March 13, 2009
The best thing about this book was that when men saw me reading it, they would get ALL KINDS of bent outta shape. Seriously. I mean, they took it personally. That only made me want to get through it faster to see what the hell Steve was telling because men were nervous.
The first part of this book reads like a relationship manual from 1950. I understand where he's coming from, but I couldn't relate. My mind doesn't work that way. A friend of mine agreed that it did sound a little bit dateed, but she also said "it gets better."
It did. I love the part encouraging women to "get some standards." It's sad that people need to be told that but, obviously, they do. I'm glad to hear a man say it. But, it is also kind of sad that Harvey sets up men as these brainless little creatures who will only act right if you make them. I just can't believe that is true. Sure, there are people who will try to get away with whatever you're willing to let them get away with. I get that. But surely, SURELY, there are some men out there who don't need to be put in check from the starting line. Surely there are some men out there who have standards of their own and don't need you to dictate yours in order to act accordingly.
All of that said, it was an entertaining book and a quick read. I would recommend it to people who are interested, but take it, like any other "self help" book, with a salt shaker.
The first part of this book reads like a relationship manual from 1950. I understand where he's coming from, but I couldn't relate. My mind doesn't work that way. A friend of mine agreed that it did sound a little bit dateed, but she also said "it gets better."
It did. I love the part encouraging women to "get some standards." It's sad that people need to be told that but, obviously, they do. I'm glad to hear a man say it. But, it is also kind of sad that Harvey sets up men as these brainless little creatures who will only act right if you make them. I just can't believe that is true. Sure, there are people who will try to get away with whatever you're willing to let them get away with. I get that. But surely, SURELY, there are some men out there who don't need to be put in check from the starting line. Surely there are some men out there who have standards of their own and don't need you to dictate yours in order to act accordingly.
All of that said, it was an entertaining book and a quick read. I would recommend it to people who are interested, but take it, like any other "self help" book, with a salt shaker.
December 10, 2009
oh Mr. Harvey, I have some REAL issues with you.
I will admit, some of the information in here might be considered insightful (the whole Profess, Provide and Protect thing was interesting), most of it I felt like was just excuses for men to act like jackasses. I'm so sick of hearing "Well, that's just how men are." Shut it. Seriously. And sometimes he contradicts himself, like the "hold out for 90 days" thing comes about 70 pages after "if you don't give him 'the cookie' he's gonna cheat on you." Make up your mind. And don't call it "the cookie."
I will admit, some of the information in here might be considered insightful (the whole Profess, Provide and Protect thing was interesting), most of it I felt like was just excuses for men to act like jackasses. I'm so sick of hearing "Well, that's just how men are." Shut it. Seriously. And sometimes he contradicts himself, like the "hold out for 90 days" thing comes about 70 pages after "if you don't give him 'the cookie' he's gonna cheat on you." Make up your mind. And don't call it "the cookie."
September 12, 2016
While I'm sure there are some truths to what he is saying, I didn't like that he talked in absolutes. As if there was no gray area. Plus, he pretty much blames the woman if (actually, he says it's more likely to be when) the guy cheats. It must be that she's not doing something right, etc. I stopped reading at that point.
March 30, 2016
Act like a lady think like a man
عنوان جذاب جدا وفي قمة الذكاء
المذيع المشهور ستيف والذي وصل الى مصر بحادثته الشهيرة حين اخطأ في اسم ملكة جمال الكون في مسابقة ملكة الجمال – ذلك المشهد المزعج حين نزعوا منها تاجها وورودها بعد ان اعترف انه كان يقصد اخرى امام الملايين
في هذا الكتاب يعتبر ستيف نفسه يتحدث باسم جميع رجال العالم فهو يحاول من خلال الكتاب ان يشرح طريقة تفكير وعمل الرجال في كتاب من خمسة عشر فصل
في الفصل الاول يتحدث عن طريقة تفكير الرجال من ثم ينتقل لطريقة حبهم في الفصل الثاني ويعتبره مختلف تماما عن حب المرأة وفي الفصل الثالث يتحدث عما يحتاجه الرجل في العلاقة
في الفصل الرابع يتحدث عن الطريقة المناسبة لتوجيه ملاحظة للرجل او نقد ثم ينتقل الى فكرة الرجل عن نفسه عن عمله في الفصول التالية يتحدث عن حب الرجال للجنس ومتابعة الرياضة وكيف يفصل الرجل بين نوع المرأة التي يعبث معها وبين المرأة التي يتزوجها
فصل كامل عن الرجل اللي بنقول عليه بالمصري (بتاع امه – ابن امه) وهو فصل ممتع
الفصل الثامن يتحدث عن خيانة الرال ثم ينتقل في الفصل التالي للمعايير التي يحترمها الرجال في النساء ثم ينتقل الى فصل فيه خمس اسئلة يعتقد ستيف ان اجابتهم مهمة وفاصلة بعد مضي ثلاثة اشهر على استمرار العلاقة
فصل يتحدث عن العلاقة التي يكون فيها احد الطرفين يملك أولاد وكيف تحكم المرأة على الرجل الذي تجعله يقترب من اولادها
يتحدث في الفصل الثالث عشر عن الفرق بين استقلالية المرأة واعتمادها على ذاتها وبين نزعها رجولة الرجل منه
فصل يتحدث فيه عن الارتباط الرسمي واخيرا اهم فصل هو فصل الاسئلة الشائعة من النساء واجوبته عليها واعتقد انه اكثر اجزاء الكتاب متعة اثناء القراءة
الكتاب جيد في اسلوبه طبعا لا اتفق مع كل ما فيه خصوصا انه يعد تحت بند التنمية البشرية في العلاقات لكني سعيدة اني انهيت كتاباً اخر بالانجليزية لغة الكتاب سهلة وفكاهية بعض افكار الكتاب متضاربة مع كتب أخرى قرأتها في نفس المجال (تقريبا الواحد مش عارف مين فيهم الصح)
ولكن هذا يدل على ان البشر ليسوا قوالب واضحة لذا علينا ان نتحلى بالمعرفة وان نعتمد على حدسنا
لكنه كتاب ممتع
April 8, 2019
كنت بحاجه إلى هكذا كتاب والحمد لله وقعت يدي عليه.
تكلم ستيف هارفي وبين عقلية الرجال مدحهم وذمهم.
هذا الكتاب صحيح يفيد الفتيات المقبلات على الزواج أو المخطوبات في المجمتع العربي وليس المجتمع الأجنبي.
أضاف إلى عقلي ستيف الكثير والكثير، بعض من الكلام الذي قاله انا كنت على علم به والبعض الآخر كنت لا اعلمه.
أنصح بقرائته 📚
تكلم ستيف هارفي وبين عقلية الرجال مدحهم وذمهم.
هذا الكتاب صحيح يفيد الفتيات المقبلات على الزواج أو المخطوبات في المجمتع العربي وليس المجتمع الأجنبي.
أضاف إلى عقلي ستيف الكثير والكثير، بعض من الكلام الذي قاله انا كنت على علم به والبعض الآخر كنت لا اعلمه.
أنصح بقرائته 📚
August 26, 2020
تصرّفي كسيّدة وفكّري كرجل..
يمكن تلخيصه بعبارة واحدة: الحق ما نطق به أهله..
فهذه نصائح رجل للنّساء عن كيفيّة التعامل مع "صنف" الرّجال كي لا تقعن في شباك الوهم والخديعة..
وجدت الكاتب يتكلّم بشفافية عالية..
وبروح الأب الشّفوق أو الأخ النّاصح الذي يكاد يصرخ لينبّه النّساء حتّى لا يقعن ويخدعن ويسرن وراء وهم زائف الخاسر الوحيد فيه هو الفتاة فقط..
وأعطاني – بصراحة – قوّة.. قوّة التخلّي التي برأيي تفوق في ضرورتها – ربّما- كل القِوى..
فمن أراد تابع.. لن تثنيه الظروف.. ولن توقفه العقبات مهمّا عظمت..
ولن ينتظرك على هفوة ليجدها فرصة ألماسيّة ليطلق ساقيه للريح..
فهو بكلّ وضوح وشفافية وصدق يذكر الموقف وما يمكن أن يكون جرى فيه من نقاش، أو ما يمكن أن تكون قد سمعت من كلام نتيجة موقف منها أو سؤال..
وهنا يقول لها إن كان عليها أن تتابع أم لا..
سبحان الله عالم النّساء والرّجال عالم عجيب وأحياناً يكون معقداً..
كما يقولون: كيمياء..
ونحن في ديننا الحنيف ننسبه للرّوح، كما قال عليه الصّلاة والسّلام: "الأرواح جنود مجنّدة، ما تعارف منها ائتلف، وما تنافر منها اختلف".
لا تدري أحياناً ما الذي يجذبك في شخص، وما الذي ينفرك منه..
وكم رأ��نا من أزواج حسب معادلاتنا يجب أن لا يكون بينهما أدنى وفق أو انسجام ومع ذلك عاشوا أجمل أيّام حياتهم معاً.. والعكس صحيح..
رزق.. كيمياء روحيّة.. توفيق من الله تعالى.. محبّة الله يضعها قبولاً في قلوب النّاس..
لا أعلم أيُّها..
كثير من النصائح التي وردت في الكتاب.. وجدت نفسي أتصرّف بها بشكل عفوي.. سبحان الله ربّما هكذا طبيعة الأنثى..
ولكن لا أنكر أنّه أعطاني قوّة إضافيّة كنت بحاجة لها..
وأكّد لي أفكاراً كانت عندي مترسّخة فجاء ليرسّخها أكثر وبشكل أقوى..
وخاصّة أنّها بقلم رجل.. يعرف ما يدور في عقول أقرانه وبني جنسه..
بيّنت أنّ فطرة الإنسان نفسها مهما اختلفت البيئة والدين والثقافة..
وسيفيدني جداً ما ورد فيه من نصائح في نقاشاتي مع طالباتي..
وكما يقولون: خذ الحكمة لا يضرّك من أيّ وعاء خرجت..
كتاب وضعت له خمس نجمات كاملات..
أشكر سلماي لكثرة ما حثّتني على قراءته.. وها أنا قد حققت لها مطلبها..
فوفاء قبل قراءة هذا الكتاب.. تختلف عن وفاء بعده..
فالمعرفة قوّة..
وفاء
محرّم 1442
آب 2020
يمكن تلخيصه بعبارة واحدة: الحق ما نطق به أهله..
فهذه نصائح رجل للنّساء عن كيفيّة التعامل مع "صنف" الرّجال كي لا تقعن في شباك الوهم والخديعة..
وجدت الكاتب يتكلّم بشفافية عالية..
وبروح الأب الشّفوق أو الأخ النّاصح الذي يكاد يصرخ لينبّه النّساء حتّى لا يقعن ويخدعن ويسرن وراء وهم زائف الخاسر الوحيد فيه هو الفتاة فقط..
وأعطاني – بصراحة – قوّة.. قوّة التخلّي التي برأيي تفوق في ضرورتها – ربّما- كل القِوى..
فمن أراد تابع.. لن تثنيه الظروف.. ولن توقفه العقبات مهمّا عظمت..
ولن ينتظرك على هفوة ليجدها فرصة ألماسيّة ليطلق ساقيه للريح..
فهو بكلّ وضوح وشفافية وصدق يذكر الموقف وما يمكن أن يكون جرى فيه من نقاش، أو ما يمكن أن تكون قد سمعت من كلام نتيجة موقف منها أو سؤال..
وهنا يقول لها إن كان عليها أن تتابع أم لا..
سبحان الله عالم النّساء والرّجال عالم عجيب وأحياناً يكون معقداً..
كما يقولون: كيمياء..
ونحن في ديننا الحنيف ننسبه للرّوح، كما قال عليه الصّلاة والسّلام: "الأرواح جنود مجنّدة، ما تعارف منها ائتلف، وما تنافر منها اختلف".
لا تدري أحياناً ما الذي يجذبك في شخص، وما الذي ينفرك منه..
وكم رأ��نا من أزواج حسب معادلاتنا يجب أن لا يكون بينهما أدنى وفق أو انسجام ومع ذلك عاشوا أجمل أيّام حياتهم معاً.. والعكس صحيح..
رزق.. كيمياء روحيّة.. توفيق من الله تعالى.. محبّة الله يضعها قبولاً في قلوب النّاس..
لا أعلم أيُّها..
كثير من النصائح التي وردت في الكتاب.. وجدت نفسي أتصرّف بها بشكل عفوي.. سبحان الله ربّما هكذا طبيعة الأنثى..
ولكن لا أنكر أنّه أعطاني قوّة إضافيّة كنت بحاجة لها..
وأكّد لي أفكاراً كانت عندي مترسّخة فجاء ليرسّخها أكثر وبشكل أقوى..
وخاصّة أنّها بقلم رجل.. يعرف ما يدور في عقول أقرانه وبني جنسه..
بيّنت أنّ فطرة الإنسان نفسها مهما اختلفت البيئة والدين والثقافة..
وسيفيدني جداً ما ورد فيه من نصائح في نقاشاتي مع طالباتي..
وكما يقولون: خذ الحكمة لا يضرّك من أيّ وعاء خرجت..
كتاب وضعت له خمس نجمات كاملات..
أشكر سلماي لكثرة ما حثّتني على قراءته.. وها أنا قد حققت لها مطلبها..
فوفاء قبل قراءة هذا الكتاب.. تختلف عن وفاء بعده..
فالمعرفة قوّة..
وفاء
محرّم 1442
آب 2020
January 13, 2014
الكتاب ده فعلا عجبنى و كيفنى , واضح و صريح و الكلام سهل منغير ولا عقد ولا كلاكيع , حسسنى بسعاده عظيمة انى قدرت اخلصه بسرعه و منغير احتياج ملح لقاموس و كده خاصة انى مش بقرا انجليزى خالص تقريبا , بس بما ان الهدف السنه دى ١٠ كتب من ال٩٦ بتوعى يبقوا انجليزى , فـ الكتاب ده افتتاح كويس للسنه , الكاتب مش متخصص بس هو بيكتب من واقع تجربته كـ راجل و الحقيقة التجربه هايله
و تستاهل تتقرا
و تستاهل تتقرا
February 28, 2010
Emily recommended this and I thought it was a fun and fast read with some good practical, old school advice. I didn't agree with every thing he said, but then, I'm a woman and he is advising me to think like a man.
January 15, 2012
I've learned so much out of this book !
It was really amazing to discover the way men think. They're so simple & straightforward creatures.
You should understand that their love isn't like yours! They love through professing, protecting & providing. They want in return your support, loyalty and the cookie.
I recommend this book for every woman just to know how to handle stuff form the manhood's point of view.
The writer's language is so simple & you can finish the book so fast but it'd be better to read it slowly to swallow every single information!
:)
February 8, 2011
I almost feel like this book deserves a "fiction" tag. It was recommended by a friend, and not the sort of book I would normally pick up. I feel like most of the book was just a listing of stereotypes, most of which were demeaning to both men and women. Interspersed there was some good general knowledge (that might be helpful if you really were clueless). For instance, if after three months of dating exclusively your "man" still introduces you to friends and family as a friend, instead of girlfriend, things are probably more casual than you think they are.
The entire book is written for women who want to find a man who will eventually marry them. It is also meant for culturally Christian women (believe in God and go to church but sleep with guys before marriage, have kids out of wedlock, ect), and, from what I can tell, women who are soley interested in men who fall into the stereotyped "what a Hollywood rom-com version of a guy should be" category (I'd even go so far as to say the book uses the stereotype of a desirable black man, not just man in general).
The book has a huge section devoted to sex, but basically comes back to the same (incorrect, I believe) view that men want sex all the time, will cheat if you aren't giving it to them, won't respect you if you do give it to them too soon, and that it is your DUTY to make your man feel special, attractive, and give him some no matter what else is going on. There is no nuance here. No discussion of men who might not be interested because of personal crises, or men who want to wait themselves, or even men who won't cheat if you don't have sex with them for a couple months.
Also, did you know that if you just let a man know what you want, he'll do it? That if you say, "I don't like to sit around on weekends" that he'll automatically jump to plan romantic trips for you? Don't nag, just let him know nicely, and poof! problem solved. Riiiiight. And if he doesn't? Well, this book doesn't go there. Anyone who's ever been in any kind of relationship probably already knows more than this book has to offer.
Bleh. This book left a bad taste in my mouth.
The entire book is written for women who want to find a man who will eventually marry them. It is also meant for culturally Christian women (believe in God and go to church but sleep with guys before marriage, have kids out of wedlock, ect), and, from what I can tell, women who are soley interested in men who fall into the stereotyped "what a Hollywood rom-com version of a guy should be" category (I'd even go so far as to say the book uses the stereotype of a desirable black man, not just man in general).
The book has a huge section devoted to sex, but basically comes back to the same (incorrect, I believe) view that men want sex all the time, will cheat if you aren't giving it to them, won't respect you if you do give it to them too soon, and that it is your DUTY to make your man feel special, attractive, and give him some no matter what else is going on. There is no nuance here. No discussion of men who might not be interested because of personal crises, or men who want to wait themselves, or even men who won't cheat if you don't have sex with them for a couple months.
Also, did you know that if you just let a man know what you want, he'll do it? That if you say, "I don't like to sit around on weekends" that he'll automatically jump to plan romantic trips for you? Don't nag, just let him know nicely, and poof! problem solved. Riiiiight. And if he doesn't? Well, this book doesn't go there. Anyone who's ever been in any kind of relationship probably already knows more than this book has to offer.
Bleh. This book left a bad taste in my mouth.
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