The Happytime Murders (2018)
Maya Rudolph: Bubbles
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Banning : Is Phil in?
Bubbles : He's servicing a client.
[noises of Phil and Sandra having sex are heard]
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Bubbles : [Connie tries to kick down a door and recoils in pain] God, are you alright?
Connie Edwards : I ruptured my hymen.
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Bubbles : I've been searching public records on Sandra White, and guess what I found? Nothing. There is no Sandra White before two years ago. She didn't exist. Can I have one of those bananas?
Connie Edwards : What? No, you can't. No! And what do you mean she didn't exist? Everybody exists. Social security numbers, tax records.
Bubbles : Nada. But I tailed her to a rat trap of an apartment in Hollywood.
Connie Edwards : What's she doing in a Hollywood apartment? She's got a big place up in the Palisades.
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Bubbles : Do you know what they'll do to a puppet ex-cop in prison? They will tear out all of his stuffing and fill him back up with rice pilaf. And then they'll fuck it.
Connie Edwards : Okay, just...
Bubbles : They fuck that rice pilaf until it's more like a mashed potato.
Connie Edwards : Okay.
Bubbles : It's a term they call "pilafing".
Connie Edwards : All right, all right, all right. Move. You think you're the only one thinking about this stuff?
Bubbles : I think about pilafing all the time.
Connie Edwards : I'm not talking about pilafing.
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Bubbles : You know, you gave me quite a scare there. I thought I was gonna lose you.
Phil Philips : Sweetheart, you're never gonna lose me. Bubbles, hey, you know, I was thinking...
Bubbles : You were?
Phil Philips : Yeah. They broke the mold when they made you.
Bubbles : They did?
Phil Philips : And I'd like to take you out to dinner, you know, someplace special.
Bubbles : You mean, like, on a date?
Phil Philips : Yeah. Like a date.
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Connie Edwards : [startled upon finding Bubbles in her apartment] Oh, God damn it. How the hell did you get in here?
Bubbles : It was actually very easy. I just picked the lock. It took me, like, under a minute.
Connie Edwards : Oh, great. Apparently, anybody who wants to can just walk right into my apartment.
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Connie Edwards : We've got ourselves a good old-fashioned nutjob.
Bubbles : Jeez, this must have taken years. This is one sick fuck.
Connie Edwards : She's got 'em all.
Bubbles : Detective Edwards, look.
Connie Edwards : Boy, she's got a real sweet spot for our boy Phil, huh?
Bubbles : Oh, poor Mr. P. Oh, my God.
Connie Edwards : Wait a minute.
Bubbles : What a psycho.
Connie Edwards : [picking up a framed picture] What the hell is she doing with a picture of Jasper Jackabee and his daughter?
Bubbles : Purple hair on a puppet, that's very rare.
Connie Edwards : [remembering Agent Campbell's questioning of Sandra, she connects the dots] Oh, my God. I guess the carpet does match the drapes.
Bubbles : I knew this skirt was see-through. I just don't like wearing underwear. I don't like the way it feels.
Connie Edwards : I'm not talking about you. Sandra White is Jackabee's daughter.
Bubbles : What a fucking psycho bitch.
Connie Edwards : This room is like a signed confession from her. Also proves that Phil is innocent. We got her.