A Memoir of Memories and Memes Quotes

“Your thoughts shape who you are. That makes you your own sculptor and sculpture.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“I'm a consoomer. Instead of wall-to-wall Funko Pops, I collect ducks, and I store them all in a pen at night where they can be on display to inspire jealous desire in foxes, coyotes, and Miss Marple.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“I drank all the water in my thermos, and it is empty. That means the water is in me, and I have become the thermos. I’m like Stanley, only not as popular.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Roses have thorns. Those are like flower fangs. Roses are the vampires of the plant world.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Powdered Saxophone Music is now FOR SALE. (Duck pond not included.)”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“I don't collect women (lovers). I don't collect men (friends). I don't collect useless trinkets (Funko Pops). I don't collect manufactured experiences (I VOTED stickers). I do collect authentic interactions, and it's rare that a consoomer provides a fertile situation.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“You can't talk to someone who won't listen. But you can listen to someone who won't talk. It's called body language, and everybody speaks it—even when they're silent.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Coaching would be easier if telepathy were a thing. Think how good you would be if I could just use my brain to power and maneuver your body.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Coffee is my Focus Juice. Without it, everything is just a dream.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“You cut in line. That’s a tiny robbery. You are stealing time from my life—and that’s also partial murder.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“My heart is full of love like a coffin sloshing with coffee. There are no FREE refills.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Ducks like balloons. Think about THAT next time your child has a birthday party and you choose to not invite all of mine.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“I love when I shake a mustard bottle really well and go to squirt a line on my hotdog and out spurts a yellow watery substance. They should sell that as an energy drink.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Cats splash in sunlight like ducks in water. Both animals find your conversation so stimulating they could just nap.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“I got a call last week from Harvard. They want me to come to Boston to teach Nonsense 101. I told them I'm 72 ducks, and they don't have a pool big enough to afford me.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Earth, water, and sky—ducks are birds of those three elements. And their passion for play embodies the fourth—fire.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“When her lips went white with surprise, her mouth was shaped like a Pekin duck in flight. She tried to speak, but her slobbery words went swimming out invisibly and inaudibly, so I just nodded my head up and down while also gesturing slight no shakes from side to side.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Bubble baths are good. But why not soak your body in aqua infused with sonic waves provided by waterproof speakers pulsing the healing music of Enya? That's what my ducks swim in, and that's why they taste like Amelia Earhart's final flight.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“It was a foggy morning, and those are always full of mystery. I had Miss Marple watch my ducks, so the whole scene became a Murder-Free Zone.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“The old saying is true: You are who you associate with. That makes me 72 ducks.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Her favorite movie was Somewhere In Time, and she wanted me to be her Christopher Reeve. She probably meant she wanted me to be her Superman, but I always took it like she wanted me to be a guy pretending to need a wheelchair before faking my own death.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Memoir of Memories and Memes