Wit Quotes

“And now, my poor old woman, why are you crying so bitterly? It is autumn. The leaves are falling from the trees like burning tears- the wind howls. Why must you mimic them?”
― Mervyn Peake, Titus Groan

“You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.”
― Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

“Enough about my beauty," Buttercup said. "Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“One of the strongest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in kings, is, that nature disapproves it, otherwise, she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule by giving mankind an ass for a lion.”
― Thomas Paine, Common Sense

“One can have a wit, but not a witless”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings

“Being born in a stable does not make one a horse.”
― Arthur Wellesley Wellington

“The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.”
― Edward Abbey

“Someone once told me that we move when it becomes less painful than staying where we are".”
― Anne Hines, The Spiral Garden

“True Wit is Nature to advantage dress'd
What oft was thought, but ne'er so well express'd;
Something whose truth convinced at sight we find,
That gives us back the image of our mind.
As shades more sweetly recommend the light,
So modest plainness sets off sprightly wit.”
― Alexander Pope, An Essay On Criticism

“I'm myself, not a label.”
― John Brunner, The Shockwave Rider

“The job of feets is walking, but their hobby is dancing.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“It was like orderin a hamburger and getting only the buns"
(After Brooke White of season 7 on american idol sang the song 'Hero'
by Mariah Carey)”
― Simon Cowell

“If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Once begun upon this downward path, you never know where you are to stop. Many a man has dated his ruin from some murder or other that perhaps he thought little of at the time.”
― Thomas de Quincey

“A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever. One is not meant to laugh. One stays quiet and marvels. Spontaneously witty talk is without question the most fascinating entertainment there is.”
― Diana Vreeland, D.V.

“I like to live every day like it's my last."
Shallan nodded.
"And by that I mean lying in a puddle of my own urine, calling for the nurse to bring me more pudding.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Oathbringer

“You can't fight hatred with hatred and expect anyone to listen to you. You can only try to lessen it with humor, wit, truth and commonsense. If that doesn't work run like hell, while they throw rocks at you.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“When men have come to the edge of a precipice, it is the lover of life who has the spirit to leap backwards, and only the pessimist who continues to believe in progress.”
― G.K. Chesterton

“We sensible often resist intrusive love and its chaos practically, employing measures to prevent the former for fear of the latter. But for all our wit and work, that desperation for control also prevents the pure, transcendental freedom more often delivered by both.”
― Tiffany Madison

“There is a monsterous deal of stupid quizzing, & common-place nonsense talked, but scarcely any wit.”
― Jane Austen

“Big words from a guy who's trussed up like a turkey. What are you going to do, wobble over here like an upside- down turtle to snap me in half?"

"The logistics of breaking you are easy. The only question is when.”
― Susan Ee

“Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first”
― S.A. Bodeen, The Compound

“I'm living so far beyond my means that we may almost be said to be living apart.”
― Saki, The Unbearable Bassington

“What have you done to your hair?” Mom’s broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospital
room.
“Holy shit!” Icka patted her head as if searching. “You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady.”
― Phoebe Kitanidis, Whisper

“Wit ought to be a glorious treat, like caviar. Never spread it about like marmalade.”
― Noël Coward

“In less than a year, the Bush administration will strut out of office, leaving the country in roughly the same condition a toddler leaves a diaper.”
― Graydon Carter

“The wittiest authors raise the very slightest of smiles.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human: A Book for Free Spirits

“Ah, but I’m not a gentleman,” said the Marquis. “I have it on the best of authority that I am only a nobleman.”

“Good gracious, Vidal, who in the world dared to say such a thing?” cried his cousin, instantly diverted.

“Mary,” replied his lordship, pouring himself out a glass of wine.”
― Georgette Heyer, Devil's Cub

“Networking isn't how many people you know, it's how many people know you.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“I spent the last Friday of summer vacation spreading hot, sticky tar across the roof of George Washington High. My companions were Dopey, Toothless, and Joe, the brain surgeons in charge of building maintenance. At least they were getting paid. I was working forty feet above the ground, breathing in sulfur fumes from Satan's vomitorium, for free.

Character building, my father said.

Mandatory community service, the judge said. Court-ordered restitution for the Foul Deed. He nailed me with the bill for the damage I had done, which meant I had to sell my car and bust my hump at a landscaping company all summer. Oh, and he gave me six months of meetings with a probation officer who thought I was a waste of human flesh.

Still, it was better than jail.

I pushed the mop back and forth, trying to coat the seams evenly. We didn't want any rain getting into the building and destroying the classrooms. Didn't want to hurt the school. No, sir, we sure didn't.”
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Twisted

“What good is it if they miss your face but not your mind?”
― Crystal Woods, Write like no one is reading