Dark Humor Quotes Quotes

“You’re a cynical kid,” said Trebastion.

“You make harps out of dead people,” said Oliver.

“Yes, but I haven’t allowed it to taint my basic optimism.”
― T. Kingfisher, Minor Mage

“If you want to convince a criminal to see things your way, start by seeing things theirs.”
― Aubrea Summer, Sixteen Seconds

“Kill yourself”
― Steven Hernandez

“I walked to the door and turned to face everyone. 'You might hear panic and screaming outside.' I flashed them a smile. 'But that will be a good sign.”
― Frank J. Fleming, Fathom

“Man could be utterly beastly at times and his humour abysmally dark, morbid and demoniac.
- Page 105, Blue Jeans”
― Manisha Saxena, Blue Jeans

“When they were well out of her earshot, Taein swiveled back and glowered at Vince. “You’ve got to throw those away.”
Vince, bouncing awkwardly in the saddle as his draft kept time with Lorrin, looked aghast. “Taein, she gave us muffins.”
“She probably poisoned them, you imbecile,” Taein hissed. 
“Why would she do that?” Vince asked, fumbling to keep a hold of his reins and manage a pair of blueberry-dotted muffins at the same time. 
“Because she knows I’m the one that stole from her, years back!”
Vince paused before popping an entire muffin into his mouth. “You’re far too paranoid, Taein,” he said as he chewed. “These are blueberry muffins. Suit yourself, but I ain’t throwing these away even if they are poisoned.” 
“Well, don’t go blaming me when you keel over. You were duly warned.”
“Me, paying recompense for your poorly-executed crimes? When has that ever happened?” Vince chuckled.”
― S. A. Matey, Prince of Glass: Remastered

“Joshua took another small sip from his wine glass as his gaze and his thoughts drifted away from the flat-screen television mounted above the marbled fireplace to ponder a roomful of sports jackets and pantsuits and in some cases cocktail dresses but only of neutral tones and minimal detailing if for no other reason than to avoid becoming the subject of the next petty scandal that would nevertheless send shockwaves through their haughty and insular world. The way they stood in their intimate clusters. Their drink glasses held in various poses of sophistication. And whenever they did bring glass to mouth in accordance with judiciously preset intervals it was also for show, as he believed was true of their subdued conversations, which, from where he was sitting, appeared to be nothing more than the unintelligible murmurings of barely moving lips. A whole list of observations came to mind. Not one of them flattering in any way. The atmosphere thick with that certain stuffiness and elitist redolence of an ivy league alumni fundraising gala. Of course, he readily admitted to himself that out of everyone in the room he was very likely the most materially bereft and least credentialed and that this stinging truth undoubtedly inflamed his plebeian impulse. But that’s not what was bugging him.”
― Casey Fisher, The Subtle Cause

“Oh, I don’t know,” Karen groaned, feeling suddenly very feisty. “I just don’t think anyone with a loose appendage swinging between their legs—which we know corresponds to a loose screw in the brain—could ever be trusted with something as delicate as the well-being of someone not similarly encumbered.”
― Casey Fisher, The Subtle Cause