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How to Be You: Stop Trying to Be Someone Else and Start Living Your Life
This book is about how to finally give up on feeling bad about ourselves and discover the best person we can be.
An interactive experience, How to Be You invites you to make the book your own through activities such as coloring in charts, answering questions about how you do the things you do, and discovering patterns in your lives that may be holding you back. Through Jeffrey's own story of "growing up fabulous in a small farming town"--along with the stories of hero/ines who have transcended the stereotypes of race, age, and gender--you will discover that you are not alone, can deepen your relationship with yourself, and find the courage to take a leap that will change your life.
An interactive experience, How to Be You invites you to make the book your own through activities such as coloring in charts, answering questions about how you do the things you do, and discovering patterns in your lives that may be holding you back. Through Jeffrey's own story of "growing up fabulous in a small farming town"--along with the stories of hero/ines who have transcended the stereotypes of race, age, and gender--you will discover that you are not alone, can deepen your relationship with yourself, and find the courage to take a leap that will change your life.
190 pages, Paperback
First published August 2, 2016
About the author
Jeffrey Marsh
3 books205 followersJeffrey Marsh’s TikToks and compassionate short-form videos have over one billion views. Jeffrey is a bestselling author, viral TikTok and Instagram star, nonbinary activist, and LGBTQ keynote speaker. Jeffrey was the first nonbinary public figure to appear on national television, being interviewed on Newsmax in 2016, and Jeffrey was the first celebrity activist to use they/them pronouns. Jeffrey’s #1 bestseller, ‘How to Be You,’ was the first nonbinary memoir. And Jeffrey is the first nonbinary author to sign a book deal with any “Big 5” publisher worldwide, for Penguin Random House. ‘How To Be You’ topped Oprah's Gratitude Meter and was named Excellent Book of the Year by TED-Ed. As chronicled in ‘How To Be You,’ Jeffrey lived as a Zen monk and has studied Zen Buddhism for over 20 years.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 123 reviews
February 1, 2018
This was a neat little book, loose enough to let one make out of it what one wants yet also giving helpful lines as to where to go. The purpose: to understand and accept youself, deal with feelings (from bad to better, not feel so alone, to improve) and find ways to belong. Plus stories, answered question and small activities in each part: perfection, trust, knowing, emotions, punishment & control, haters, of the unknown, feeling good and keeping the knowledge of self found. Plus an appendic for teachers and other adults working with children.
The writer is an online personality, not someone I know really, but certainly sounding very positive and cheerful.
The book can be repeated as much as one prefers. I certainly marked some pages I want to do later, and took many notes (I was a little surprised about that). It's a quick read, but taking it slow enough may make it more powerful. In these times, it's good to read a book like this.
The writer is an online personality, not someone I know really, but certainly sounding very positive and cheerful.
The book can be repeated as much as one prefers. I certainly marked some pages I want to do later, and took many notes (I was a little surprised about that). It's a quick read, but taking it slow enough may make it more powerful. In these times, it's good to read a book like this.
December 27, 2019
I can not express my love for this book! Nor do I have a clue what to say other than wanting to recommend it to absolutely everyone! There is so much love and truth within these pages. Gentle and caring words even as it made me cry, in a good way. Things I needed to hear. That I think everyone could use. Self-care, true deep self-care, is so hard for most people. And yet it's so important.
I took my time with this book because I wanted to sit with what I read, to truly absorb it. The best books are like that for me, I take them slow.
I will take this book to heart going forward and hopefully, every so often, re-read it to remind myself. I highly recommend this book!
I took my time with this book because I wanted to sit with what I read, to truly absorb it. The best books are like that for me, I take them slow.
I will take this book to heart going forward and hopefully, every so often, re-read it to remind myself. I highly recommend this book!
August 23, 2017
I really enjoyed reading this as an adult, and I will definitely buy and gift copies to kids and tweens who come into my life. I particularly like the sections on giving yourself space and time and attention to actually experience emotions. Wish I'd had this thirty years ago.
July 31, 2016
"How to be You" is a lovely new book that asks readers to participate in figuring out how they can be more comfortable with who they are and celebrating the idea of just being themselves. This is a fun book that I got a lot of myself. This book would be good for anyone who is looking to find a little bit of happiness!
Our guide throughout the book is Jeffrey March, a person who has really had to figure out how to be himself when the conditions he was surrounded by did not necessarily lend themselves to it. He has a great spirit and throughout the book, it feels like he is talking to you as a friend, which I really liked.
The exercises in the book are fun and insightful. I can see myself going back to this book over and over again as a resource and when I need a little inspiration. This book would make a great gift for someone special in your life. We all deserve to be able to be ourselves!
Our guide throughout the book is Jeffrey March, a person who has really had to figure out how to be himself when the conditions he was surrounded by did not necessarily lend themselves to it. He has a great spirit and throughout the book, it feels like he is talking to you as a friend, which I really liked.
The exercises in the book are fun and insightful. I can see myself going back to this book over and over again as a resource and when I need a little inspiration. This book would make a great gift for someone special in your life. We all deserve to be able to be ourselves!
August 25, 2016
My previous experiences with self-help books have been fairly terrible. Each time someone would come to me and put a book in my hand, while uttering the words "This book is going to change your life!", I've found the contents to be overly preachy. They've always had this miasma of insincerity hanging over them. Which is why, odd as it may sound, I decided to accept a copy of How to Be You for review. I wanted to try again, now that I'm a bit older. I wanted to see if there was a book out there that could change my mind. I owe huge, squishy hugs to Jeffrey Marsh for doing just that.
Marsh's tone is perfectly sincere, the entire length of this book. There's no judgement, and no "THIS IS THE WAY YOU BECOME HAPPY!" being thrown about on the pages. It's more an invitation to take a deep, introspective look at who you are as a person. This book engages the reader with stories from Marsh's own life, little snippets of wonderful hero/ine stories, and prompts to help build self-trust and self-acceptance. The tone is kept light, but it's the honesty here that really made me smile. It's even a bit silly at times, which really helped seal this as something that I wanted to experience. Marsh expresses over and over that being you should be fun! I don't think I'd ever really stopped to think about life that way before I read this book.
The chapter on expressing emotions particularly hit home for me. I love how this isn't for a particular age group, or ethnicity, or lifestyle choice, or anything of that nature. It's a journey for everyone. The chapter on expressing emotion shows this in brilliant color. Everyone feels emotions, sure. Reading through this portion really showed me that we don't stop to think about what those are, really. Or how to deal with them. Or how we don't deal with them. I've been on a personal mission to learn how to better express my own emotions, so it felt good to see printed on the page the fact that it's okay admit when you're feeling anything. Sadness, anger, all the "bad" emotions, are just as important to experience as the good. I needed that validation, and I didn't even know it.
Look, I'm being completely honest with you when I say that my favorite part of this book is just the idea that life is fluid. That's been a lesson that I've learned the hard way, through many a mistake and many an attempt to control the uncontrollable. I wish someone had handed me this book when I was at my darkest moment and just smiled, sat beside me, and let me read through it. Reading it now still helped immensely, and this is something I'll keep close for many more readthroughs, but also something I plan to go and put gently into other reader's hands. Self-care, self-acceptance, self-worth, are all important things that we forget to acknowledge. Marsh has written a beautiful book that reminds us to look inside, and enjoy the crazy, wonderful life we've been given.
Marsh's tone is perfectly sincere, the entire length of this book. There's no judgement, and no "THIS IS THE WAY YOU BECOME HAPPY!" being thrown about on the pages. It's more an invitation to take a deep, introspective look at who you are as a person. This book engages the reader with stories from Marsh's own life, little snippets of wonderful hero/ine stories, and prompts to help build self-trust and self-acceptance. The tone is kept light, but it's the honesty here that really made me smile. It's even a bit silly at times, which really helped seal this as something that I wanted to experience. Marsh expresses over and over that being you should be fun! I don't think I'd ever really stopped to think about life that way before I read this book.
The chapter on expressing emotions particularly hit home for me. I love how this isn't for a particular age group, or ethnicity, or lifestyle choice, or anything of that nature. It's a journey for everyone. The chapter on expressing emotion shows this in brilliant color. Everyone feels emotions, sure. Reading through this portion really showed me that we don't stop to think about what those are, really. Or how to deal with them. Or how we don't deal with them. I've been on a personal mission to learn how to better express my own emotions, so it felt good to see printed on the page the fact that it's okay admit when you're feeling anything. Sadness, anger, all the "bad" emotions, are just as important to experience as the good. I needed that validation, and I didn't even know it.
Look, I'm being completely honest with you when I say that my favorite part of this book is just the idea that life is fluid. That's been a lesson that I've learned the hard way, through many a mistake and many an attempt to control the uncontrollable. I wish someone had handed me this book when I was at my darkest moment and just smiled, sat beside me, and let me read through it. Reading it now still helped immensely, and this is something I'll keep close for many more readthroughs, but also something I plan to go and put gently into other reader's hands. Self-care, self-acceptance, self-worth, are all important things that we forget to acknowledge. Marsh has written a beautiful book that reminds us to look inside, and enjoy the crazy, wonderful life we've been given.
October 23, 2016
I really liked the advice: The only way out is through.
January 12, 2019
I wish I could go back in time and give this to any version of past me.
June 10, 2017
Started reading this book on a whim. Enjoyable but also pretty standard fare. 2.5/5.
March 10, 2022
It's like having a prep talk in your hands. Jeffrey does a great job talking about embracing who you are. Perfect book for teens who are looking for their first self-help book (and great for adults who are starting on that journey).
Read
December 9, 2022DNF
April 24, 2019
Jeffrey Marsh is a gift of a human being that our cynical and hateful society needs but doesn't deserve. I've been a fan of Marsh's videos for years now and was beside myself when I found out they had a book! It was a quick and easy read and very much in Marsh's voice.
That said, I don't think Marsh's message comes across as well in writing as it does in their videos. I wouldn't say they're a bad writer but I will say they're a much better orator. And while the book is advertised as being "for everyone," I think tweens and teens are the true intended audience. And I'm a bit older than that, haha, so that may be why some of the charm was lost on me.
Overall, however, it was fun to read, had just enough nuggets of profound wisdom to keep me from getting bored, and the added activities and exercises were a really nice touch. The historical hero/ine sections were great, too! I'd highly recommend this book to anyone struggling with their sense of self, but especially younger people and people in the LGBTQ+ community.
That said, I don't think Marsh's message comes across as well in writing as it does in their videos. I wouldn't say they're a bad writer but I will say they're a much better orator. And while the book is advertised as being "for everyone," I think tweens and teens are the true intended audience. And I'm a bit older than that, haha, so that may be why some of the charm was lost on me.
Overall, however, it was fun to read, had just enough nuggets of profound wisdom to keep me from getting bored, and the added activities and exercises were a really nice touch. The historical hero/ine sections were great, too! I'd highly recommend this book to anyone struggling with their sense of self, but especially younger people and people in the LGBTQ+ community.
December 20, 2022
I initially liked their TikTok’s, but after paying closer attention and then reading this book, the advice isn’t always great and it’s very pop psych.
I started this book last year and lost the will to finish it. Finally pushed through, but the only advice I appreciated was that you cant control other peoples reactions and responses, you must focus on what you can control I.e your reactions.
It felt like this was a rehash of the authors childhood upsets and centered around those clearly unresolved issues. Advice like “and then never talk to them again” to a friend that is mean to you, is kind of alarming considering this book is primarily aimed at teens and we should be encouraging problem solving and communication skills instead.
Really wanted to like it, was disappointed.
I started this book last year and lost the will to finish it. Finally pushed through, but the only advice I appreciated was that you cant control other peoples reactions and responses, you must focus on what you can control I.e your reactions.
It felt like this was a rehash of the authors childhood upsets and centered around those clearly unresolved issues. Advice like “and then never talk to them again” to a friend that is mean to you, is kind of alarming considering this book is primarily aimed at teens and we should be encouraging problem solving and communication skills instead.
Really wanted to like it, was disappointed.
April 17, 2018
Pros:
-Positive, upbeat voice
-little activities after each lesson
-Relevant examples from author’s own life
-Information on people to know (Hero/ine)
-Good base for building positive thinking and self-esteem
Cons:
-sometimes felt persuasive, not instructive
Notes:
-If you feel like you need some comfort and positivity in your life right now, I’d recommend reading this. Marsh has an uplifting voice that gives a reassuring and supportive feel while both pointing out mindsets that don’t work and giving some hard-to-swallow advice for those (including me) that are stuck in flawed societal norms and habits like a loving kick in right direction.
-Positive, upbeat voice
-little activities after each lesson
-Relevant examples from author’s own life
-Information on people to know (Hero/ine)
-Good base for building positive thinking and self-esteem
Cons:
-sometimes felt persuasive, not instructive
Notes:
-If you feel like you need some comfort and positivity in your life right now, I’d recommend reading this. Marsh has an uplifting voice that gives a reassuring and supportive feel while both pointing out mindsets that don’t work and giving some hard-to-swallow advice for those (including me) that are stuck in flawed societal norms and habits like a loving kick in right direction.
January 17, 2020
I would probably give this a 3.5 if I had the option. This seemed like a book I was really going to enjoy and I did for some of it. It's a fast read and laid out in a really eye catching way. It included activities for you to do at the end of every chapter, which is great for a self-help type of book. Jeffrey writes in a way that is easy to read and likeable. His advice is all pretty standard, but easy to read and understand. It would appeal to tweens and teens really well. I also think this is information that needs to be shared with tweens and teens. It would have saved me a lot of time finding myself if this was given to me at a younger age.
August 15, 2016
I won this book. It's not a book I would have picked up on my own, but I expanded my bookshelf this evening and read it. The book is like an exercise in becoming your truest self. Marsh asks questions to make one think about who they truly are. Marsh asks the reader to do exercises in the book (designing a cape that represents the superhero you are inside, designing your perfect valentine). I'd recommend for a teen or young adult.
May 17, 2021
Listened to this one on Audible because I love their voice!
If you think this book is just for queer people, let me disabuse you of that assumption. This is a lovely book that can help ANY human shake off the shame and restrictions that we have grown up to think of as normal. One suggestion that is incredibly radical AND true ... is that it’s ok to make a mistake and then *not feel bad about it*. Your feeling about the mistake has no bearing on if you’ll make that same mistake again.
If you think this book is just for queer people, let me disabuse you of that assumption. This is a lovely book that can help ANY human shake off the shame and restrictions that we have grown up to think of as normal. One suggestion that is incredibly radical AND true ... is that it’s ok to make a mistake and then *not feel bad about it*. Your feeling about the mistake has no bearing on if you’ll make that same mistake again.
March 13, 2022
Love, love, love.
April 4, 2022
I love Jeffrey Marsh's videos on social media. They bring me joy. When they say they love me, speaking to that camera, I genuinely believe it.
I needed this book at an earlier point in my life. I know Marsh meant this to be for all ages, but I think it would be perfect for teens and young adults. It's also geared towards, I think, based on Marsh's lived experiences, people who've experienced (emotional) abuse. This is not to say it doesn't speak to a broader audience, but some content may resonate less for people who have more secure attachment!
This is a short and sweet self-help book. It provides simple exercizes to get to know yourself better, give up perfectionism and black-and-white thinking, be kinder to yourself, feel your feelings, be in your body, and bring more mindfulness to your life. Marsh's past as a Zen Buddhist monk shone through for me.
Although I admire the book's heart, there wasn't much new for me here. I've done a lot of therapy and read a lot of self-help books over the years. If anything, it was a good reminder for me of just how far I've come since I was a youth getting to know and accept myself. I'm not saying the journey's done, but I am pretty well practiced with the skills they describe. I did appreciate the reminder that there is no purpose. We are here to have fun and experience joy. Even though I know this, it is easy to fall back into the narrative of the grind.
This would be a great gift for a young person struggling with self-esteem and/or acceptance from their peers.
I needed this book at an earlier point in my life. I know Marsh meant this to be for all ages, but I think it would be perfect for teens and young adults. It's also geared towards, I think, based on Marsh's lived experiences, people who've experienced (emotional) abuse. This is not to say it doesn't speak to a broader audience, but some content may resonate less for people who have more secure attachment!
This is a short and sweet self-help book. It provides simple exercizes to get to know yourself better, give up perfectionism and black-and-white thinking, be kinder to yourself, feel your feelings, be in your body, and bring more mindfulness to your life. Marsh's past as a Zen Buddhist monk shone through for me.
Although I admire the book's heart, there wasn't much new for me here. I've done a lot of therapy and read a lot of self-help books over the years. If anything, it was a good reminder for me of just how far I've come since I was a youth getting to know and accept myself. I'm not saying the journey's done, but I am pretty well practiced with the skills they describe. I did appreciate the reminder that there is no purpose. We are here to have fun and experience joy. Even though I know this, it is easy to fall back into the narrative of the grind.
This would be a great gift for a young person struggling with self-esteem and/or acceptance from their peers.
April 12, 2022
Firstly, I'm not sure how it took me so long for me to realise Jeffrey had written a book, let alone that it had been out for over 5 years before I'd even realised. Shame on me. They are absolutely fabulous, amazing and create joy so I had to check out their book.
This isn't a book you can review conventionally since it's going to be a different experience for everyone that reads it. You get what you need from a book like this - it combines Jeffrey's experiences growing up figuring out their non-binary self, but also serves as a workbook that invites the reader to figure out themselves as well.
Honestly, picking up this book when I did was... serendipitous, I think. I came out as non-binary last year at then 40-years of age. But, since then, after an initial burst of freedom, I've struggled a bit. I often worry that people don't see me as non-binary and never will. Sometimes I feel I'm not "non-binary" enough. Sometimes I feel that aside from my name and some paperwork not much has changed. Sometimes I don't know what to feel at all. Maybe that's partly due to the fact that the world is topsy-turvy at the moment, and maybe it's because I haven't been able to tell my parents because I don't think they'll understand or even accept it. I've been trying to feel like I fit into my own skin for 41-years now and I wasn't sure that I was going to be ever achieve it.
But, having read Jeffrey's book, it feels like something has clicked. It's like Jeffrey knew what I needed to hear and put it in writing 6 years ago and waited for me to discover it. It's given me a spark of bravery, a bit of fear - but in a good way - and it's enabled me to start... not giving a fuck what people think about me. There's people whose opinions I value dearly, but there's a lot of people's views and perceptions that I've worried about for so long and I don't know why. So I need to start letting go of those views, amongst other things. I wish I could go back in time and been able to give this book to myself 7 years ago, or 12 years ago. Or 30 years ago. But I've read it now and it's given me the foundations to help me be, well, me. Because I've tried to fit into so many different boxes for so many different people throughout my life that I've not been sure who the hell I am.
But I'm me, and I'm looking forward to discovering who I am. I hope I like me.
This isn't a book you can review conventionally since it's going to be a different experience for everyone that reads it. You get what you need from a book like this - it combines Jeffrey's experiences growing up figuring out their non-binary self, but also serves as a workbook that invites the reader to figure out themselves as well.
Honestly, picking up this book when I did was... serendipitous, I think. I came out as non-binary last year at then 40-years of age. But, since then, after an initial burst of freedom, I've struggled a bit. I often worry that people don't see me as non-binary and never will. Sometimes I feel I'm not "non-binary" enough. Sometimes I feel that aside from my name and some paperwork not much has changed. Sometimes I don't know what to feel at all. Maybe that's partly due to the fact that the world is topsy-turvy at the moment, and maybe it's because I haven't been able to tell my parents because I don't think they'll understand or even accept it. I've been trying to feel like I fit into my own skin for 41-years now and I wasn't sure that I was going to be ever achieve it.
But, having read Jeffrey's book, it feels like something has clicked. It's like Jeffrey knew what I needed to hear and put it in writing 6 years ago and waited for me to discover it. It's given me a spark of bravery, a bit of fear - but in a good way - and it's enabled me to start... not giving a fuck what people think about me. There's people whose opinions I value dearly, but there's a lot of people's views and perceptions that I've worried about for so long and I don't know why. So I need to start letting go of those views, amongst other things. I wish I could go back in time and been able to give this book to myself 7 years ago, or 12 years ago. Or 30 years ago. But I've read it now and it's given me the foundations to help me be, well, me. Because I've tried to fit into so many different boxes for so many different people throughout my life that I've not been sure who the hell I am.
But I'm me, and I'm looking forward to discovering who I am. I hope I like me.
March 28, 2024
Based on pure sympathy alone, I'd give 5 stars. Imagining Jeffrey Marshes Voice and enthusiasm that I know from instagram helped me getting through my very first self-help-book.
And I think I'm still not a self-help-book person. Of course this can't be tailored to my case but I'm bad with general statements. I'm in therapy on and off for 15 years now and the book is a bit too shallow on the one hand. There were no big epiphanies for me with this book. On the other hand it still talks mainly to the intellect. In my case, I know what my toxic thinking patterns are and how I harm myself with them. I know all kinds of practices how I should feel better. But my feelings still don't. It's complicated.
That's where the exercises come in: Those are the parts of the book where I got the impression, something was happening inside me, shifting. My most favorite is the one where you rip up old believes about yourself every day of the week. I might do that more often now. That got to the feels.
I have no idea how this book will work on someone who comes in cold to self-reflection. I have some issues with over-simplyfied statements and I think it glosses over the real pathological aspect of depression. To hear: "It's your responsibility to make you happy" isn't wrong, but in an ongoing depression it might hurt someone. (Like: "Oh, so that's my fault, too." - not the author's intention for sure, but that's what I mean: it' s not that simple.)
But still I underlined some sentences, wrote my lists of self worth and burnt (literally) my bullies' comments as instructed and don't regret reading this book.
And I think I'm still not a self-help-book person. Of course this can't be tailored to my case but I'm bad with general statements. I'm in therapy on and off for 15 years now and the book is a bit too shallow on the one hand. There were no big epiphanies for me with this book. On the other hand it still talks mainly to the intellect. In my case, I know what my toxic thinking patterns are and how I harm myself with them. I know all kinds of practices how I should feel better. But my feelings still don't. It's complicated.
That's where the exercises come in: Those are the parts of the book where I got the impression, something was happening inside me, shifting. My most favorite is the one where you rip up old believes about yourself every day of the week. I might do that more often now. That got to the feels.
I have no idea how this book will work on someone who comes in cold to self-reflection. I have some issues with over-simplyfied statements and I think it glosses over the real pathological aspect of depression. To hear: "It's your responsibility to make you happy" isn't wrong, but in an ongoing depression it might hurt someone. (Like: "Oh, so that's my fault, too." - not the author's intention for sure, but that's what I mean: it' s not that simple.)
But still I underlined some sentences, wrote my lists of self worth and burnt (literally) my bullies' comments as instructed and don't regret reading this book.
March 16, 2022
5 stars for Jeffrey Marsh. I adore them, and the amazing content they put out. I would also give this book 5 stars for someone who has a lot of hate speech going on in their head. I’ve done years of therapy, so this book, while worthwhile, was nothing earth-shattering, nor was it really very inspiring or helpful for me personally.
August 24, 2021
This was a feelings book and I just wasn't into a feelings book at the time of listening. I checked it out from the library twice but only got halfway through. I love Jeffrey Marsh but that doesn't mean their book is for me.
March 23, 2022
This book is for everyone. Your inner child will thank you.
June 28, 2021
https://bound2books.co/2021/06/15/fiv...
I first came across Jeffrey Marsh thanks to the internet. I know what you are thinking, but it is true – there are some beautiful parts of the online world and Jeffrey Marsh has created such a space. When I first engaged with their work, I felt like I was being welcomed into a big family. Marsh is compassionate, kind, educational, and extremely welcoming. In a time of great upheaval, their words are comforting.
When I saw that Marsh had a book out, I wanted to read it right away. I decided to listen to it through audible as sometimes I find that these kinds of books are better listened to rather than read. When you sit down with an audibook from Marsh, it feels like you are sitting down with a friend.
Marsh grounds a lot of their work in Buddhism, queerness, and self love. Their work is relatable and powerful for anyone, but especially for people wanting to learn more about life and who they are. So here are the five life lessons I have been trying to practice since reading Marsh’s book.
1. Stop punishing yourself
Stop beating yourself up. Stop hating yourself for your past mistakes. Let go of that. It won’t help you feel better or good enough. The world beats you up enough already, so don’t do it to yourself.
Marsh obviously says this better than I can, but I feel like this is a really important take away from their book. It is okay to forgive yourself and to not punish yourself for not being perfect.
2. Believe in your truth
Deep down, inside yourself you know who you are. You know what feels right for you. It doesn’t matter that you might feel out of place or that there are no words for describing who you are or how you feel. None of those things negate who you are. We live in a society sorely lacking in linguistic diversity to describe the world around us. That doesn’t mean you should change to fit something that isn’t who you know. You know your truth. Believe it – you don’t need to prove it to anyone else. When you believe your truth, you can truly ‘be’.
3. Learn about yourself
As Marsh describes in their book, a lot of people – Marsh included – grew up in a world that forced them to be something they weren’t. It can be difficult to know what is truly you. What is you without the trauma? What do you love to do, how do you like to spend your time when you don’t need to prove yourself to a world that doesn’t understand you. This isn’t an easy task, but you owe it to yourself.
4. Feel and acknowledge your emotions
It can be easy to shove emotions down, but let me tell you something for nothing – they will eventually leak. And you don’t want that. Sit with your emotions and explore why you feel that way. You can’t believe in your truth or learn about yourself if you are filled with blind anger and sadness.
5. Don’t project on others
This one is tough, but the next time you feel yourself judging others or making assumptions about others, ask yourself – is there a part of my own insecurities coming out here? In order to love ourselves we need to ask why we think and feel certain things and this also means asking ourselves if we are projecting our issues on to others. If we project our own issues, trauma, guilt, etc. on others, then we can ultimately be contributing to a cycle that perpetuates these negative aspects in other peoples’ lives.
Marsh’s self-help book was very accessible to read and understand. This isn’t a book just for queer or nonbinary people – this book is for all. If you are wanting to create a social media feed that is positive, inclusive, and will ultimately drop a few truth bombs when you least expect it, then Marsh is your person.
What self-help books are you reading this year? What are you doing to work on yourself? As always share the reading love.
I first came across Jeffrey Marsh thanks to the internet. I know what you are thinking, but it is true – there are some beautiful parts of the online world and Jeffrey Marsh has created such a space. When I first engaged with their work, I felt like I was being welcomed into a big family. Marsh is compassionate, kind, educational, and extremely welcoming. In a time of great upheaval, their words are comforting.
When I saw that Marsh had a book out, I wanted to read it right away. I decided to listen to it through audible as sometimes I find that these kinds of books are better listened to rather than read. When you sit down with an audibook from Marsh, it feels like you are sitting down with a friend.
Marsh grounds a lot of their work in Buddhism, queerness, and self love. Their work is relatable and powerful for anyone, but especially for people wanting to learn more about life and who they are. So here are the five life lessons I have been trying to practice since reading Marsh’s book.
1. Stop punishing yourself
Stop beating yourself up. Stop hating yourself for your past mistakes. Let go of that. It won’t help you feel better or good enough. The world beats you up enough already, so don’t do it to yourself.
Marsh obviously says this better than I can, but I feel like this is a really important take away from their book. It is okay to forgive yourself and to not punish yourself for not being perfect.
2. Believe in your truth
Deep down, inside yourself you know who you are. You know what feels right for you. It doesn’t matter that you might feel out of place or that there are no words for describing who you are or how you feel. None of those things negate who you are. We live in a society sorely lacking in linguistic diversity to describe the world around us. That doesn’t mean you should change to fit something that isn’t who you know. You know your truth. Believe it – you don’t need to prove it to anyone else. When you believe your truth, you can truly ‘be’.
3. Learn about yourself
As Marsh describes in their book, a lot of people – Marsh included – grew up in a world that forced them to be something they weren’t. It can be difficult to know what is truly you. What is you without the trauma? What do you love to do, how do you like to spend your time when you don’t need to prove yourself to a world that doesn’t understand you. This isn’t an easy task, but you owe it to yourself.
4. Feel and acknowledge your emotions
It can be easy to shove emotions down, but let me tell you something for nothing – they will eventually leak. And you don’t want that. Sit with your emotions and explore why you feel that way. You can’t believe in your truth or learn about yourself if you are filled with blind anger and sadness.
5. Don’t project on others
This one is tough, but the next time you feel yourself judging others or making assumptions about others, ask yourself – is there a part of my own insecurities coming out here? In order to love ourselves we need to ask why we think and feel certain things and this also means asking ourselves if we are projecting our issues on to others. If we project our own issues, trauma, guilt, etc. on others, then we can ultimately be contributing to a cycle that perpetuates these negative aspects in other peoples’ lives.
Marsh’s self-help book was very accessible to read and understand. This isn’t a book just for queer or nonbinary people – this book is for all. If you are wanting to create a social media feed that is positive, inclusive, and will ultimately drop a few truth bombs when you least expect it, then Marsh is your person.
What self-help books are you reading this year? What are you doing to work on yourself? As always share the reading love.
May 22, 2021
Simple, short, sweet. I discovered Jeffrey on Instagram, and absolutely LOVE their posts. When I heard about their book, honestly- I wanted to purchase it mostly to support them! I had a feeling the book would share much of what I have already learned, but that's only b/c I am 47 now. Still, it was comforting to hear Jeffrey's wisdom nonetheless, and we all have room to grow no matter what age. Definitely a great gift for younger people in the throws of their self discovery, and intent to create boundaries and live in a healthy relationship with self and others. Jeffrey does a great job at reframing things we have heard and taken as shameful, or critical, and seeing all along the truth of our inner strength, and our deservedness of love and acceptance, and that much of our identities, and descriptive adjectives are okay, not bad. It is a great explanation of how being ourselves outside of social constructs and expectations is so important. How our greatest "flaws" just might be our greatest source of power (from Chapter 2). This book is a great supplement to any of us on a healing journey. And aren't we always on that journey at some level? I'm so grateful for Jeffrey and their voice and love in this world!
October 10, 2020
I love Jeffrey Marsh, I've been following them on social media for years and they are the only person who can make me feel better sometimes, without fail. I've never met them and doubt I will but they have so much kindness and love to give and I knew I needed to read their book at some point.
It's really good, and I particularly loved the beginning. I didn't find all of it applicable to me but as I was skimming through those sections I had the feeling that my younger self could've used them even if I currently dont't really need them. It's a book that made me realise how far I've come from a couple of years ago and what progress I still have to make.
The book is also interactive, it has exercises for you to do as you read along and it's partly autobiographical with Jeffrey using examples from their life to drive home a particular point. I would really recommend it to anyone, I think every single person could use Jeffery's words. I was reading it in their voice and it made the experience particularly soothing and comforting. You should definitely give it a go.
It's really good, and I particularly loved the beginning. I didn't find all of it applicable to me but as I was skimming through those sections I had the feeling that my younger self could've used them even if I currently dont't really need them. It's a book that made me realise how far I've come from a couple of years ago and what progress I still have to make.
The book is also interactive, it has exercises for you to do as you read along and it's partly autobiographical with Jeffrey using examples from their life to drive home a particular point. I would really recommend it to anyone, I think every single person could use Jeffery's words. I was reading it in their voice and it made the experience particularly soothing and comforting. You should definitely give it a go.
September 10, 2022
I first came across Jeffrey Marsh on tiktok, and I absolutely love their content, so when I saw they had a book I had to get it. I listened to 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 as an audiobook, and I highly recommend it to anyone who ever feels like they're not enough, or anyone who is doing 'inner child' work.
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𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘦. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘈𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺.
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Amongst all the self-help books and content that is out there in the world, Jeffrey Marsh stands out to me. As someone who has gone through different therapy/counselling, and who has read lots of different self-help books (the majority of which I have taken at least something from), Marsh is unique. And the main reason is that they directly challenge the belief that the reader, or in my case the listener, holds about themselves: that we are in some way broken, and that we need to keep working on ourselves and reading books to improve ourselves because we somehow need fixing.
Instead, Jeffrey focuses on compassion, for ourselves and others, and on recognising that we are already enough, just as we are.
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𝘌𝘹𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 - 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 - 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦.
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One thing I have been working on for a while is moving away from feelings of blame, or unnecessary anger that no longer serves me, in an effort to just be at peace with my emotions.
It's no good playing the blame game and letting anger eat you up inside, when most likely the person you're angry at doesn't truly know how you feel and are just continuing about their life as though there is nothing wrong.
Jeffrey Marsh articulates this so well for me, in a very realistic way. Compassion for ourselves and others can lead to forgiveness, and being able to let go of some of these feelings of being 'wronged'.
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𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘉𝘶𝘵, 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦, 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵.
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Through sharing their own experiences, Jeffrey encourages the reader to focus somewhat internally, and to focus on what they can control. Some things are not in our power to change, but we also need to recognise that those things are most likely unimportant.
I've not heard anyone express how little the opinions of other people matter in such a good way before. Self-love and self-acceptance, which Marsh advocates for, can help us move away from caring about the irrelevant opinions of others.
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𝘖𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦.
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Marsh also tackles the toxic positivity culture. This is something that I've seen in my own life first hand, mostly with male role models in my life.
In these experiences for me personally, I've seen toxic positivity as an extension of toxic masculinity: namely, men who cannot talk genuinely about anything emotional below a surface level; as though they almost can't admit to themselves how they feels, because boys don't cry, and so in trying to suppress their own emotions they inadvertently suppresses the emotions of those around them too.
And this actually makes me feel really sad for them, and for my younger self, and for anyone who isn't able to be honest in expressing how they really feel.
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𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘬𝘪𝘥, 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘥. 𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳����𝘦, 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦.
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Some of the things Jeffrey says or highlights can feel like something I should already know or intuit, but Marsh phrases it in such a way that I've never thought about it from that perspective before.
Most self-help and psychology books I've read have focussed on the topic from a very clinical perspective, or from a perspective of reflecting on what's happened in your life that has led to certain patterns of behaviour and certain thoughts that may not be the 'healthiest'.
Before listening to Jeffrey Marsh though, I don't think I'd ever felt so much genuine compassion from someone in this field.
In order to live a happy and fulfilled life, we don't need to view ourselves as needing improvement, or not good enough, because of false narratives people have fed us. We are enough just the way we are, and we each bring something unique to the world.
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𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦.
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No matter how old I get, I do sometimes still feel like a young person playing at being an adult. And when peers or people older than me care so intensely about things that really shouldn't matter (like some false sense of dominance in the workplace), it baffles me.
I think Jeffrey Marsh's book will encourage many readers of all ages to feel more confident in embracing who they are at their core, and in seeking out things that align with their values, rather than what they are told they should value.
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𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵, 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘺 𝘪𝘵.
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I definitely recommend Jeffrey Marsh's book to all readers, and highly recommend following their content on social media. Jeffrey's videos are a great source of comfort to many, and if you read How To Be You, I hope you find comfort from it to.
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𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥. 𝘓𝘦𝘵'𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦.
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𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘦. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘈𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺.
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Amongst all the self-help books and content that is out there in the world, Jeffrey Marsh stands out to me. As someone who has gone through different therapy/counselling, and who has read lots of different self-help books (the majority of which I have taken at least something from), Marsh is unique. And the main reason is that they directly challenge the belief that the reader, or in my case the listener, holds about themselves: that we are in some way broken, and that we need to keep working on ourselves and reading books to improve ourselves because we somehow need fixing.
Instead, Jeffrey focuses on compassion, for ourselves and others, and on recognising that we are already enough, just as we are.
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𝘌𝘹𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 - 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 - 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦.
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One thing I have been working on for a while is moving away from feelings of blame, or unnecessary anger that no longer serves me, in an effort to just be at peace with my emotions.
It's no good playing the blame game and letting anger eat you up inside, when most likely the person you're angry at doesn't truly know how you feel and are just continuing about their life as though there is nothing wrong.
Jeffrey Marsh articulates this so well for me, in a very realistic way. Compassion for ourselves and others can lead to forgiveness, and being able to let go of some of these feelings of being 'wronged'.
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𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘉𝘶𝘵, 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦, 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵.
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Through sharing their own experiences, Jeffrey encourages the reader to focus somewhat internally, and to focus on what they can control. Some things are not in our power to change, but we also need to recognise that those things are most likely unimportant.
I've not heard anyone express how little the opinions of other people matter in such a good way before. Self-love and self-acceptance, which Marsh advocates for, can help us move away from caring about the irrelevant opinions of others.
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𝘖𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦.
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Marsh also tackles the toxic positivity culture. This is something that I've seen in my own life first hand, mostly with male role models in my life.
In these experiences for me personally, I've seen toxic positivity as an extension of toxic masculinity: namely, men who cannot talk genuinely about anything emotional below a surface level; as though they almost can't admit to themselves how they feels, because boys don't cry, and so in trying to suppress their own emotions they inadvertently suppresses the emotions of those around them too.
And this actually makes me feel really sad for them, and for my younger self, and for anyone who isn't able to be honest in expressing how they really feel.
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𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘬𝘪𝘥, 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘥. 𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳����𝘦, 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦.
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Some of the things Jeffrey says or highlights can feel like something I should already know or intuit, but Marsh phrases it in such a way that I've never thought about it from that perspective before.
Most self-help and psychology books I've read have focussed on the topic from a very clinical perspective, or from a perspective of reflecting on what's happened in your life that has led to certain patterns of behaviour and certain thoughts that may not be the 'healthiest'.
Before listening to Jeffrey Marsh though, I don't think I'd ever felt so much genuine compassion from someone in this field.
In order to live a happy and fulfilled life, we don't need to view ourselves as needing improvement, or not good enough, because of false narratives people have fed us. We are enough just the way we are, and we each bring something unique to the world.
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𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦.
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No matter how old I get, I do sometimes still feel like a young person playing at being an adult. And when peers or people older than me care so intensely about things that really shouldn't matter (like some false sense of dominance in the workplace), it baffles me.
I think Jeffrey Marsh's book will encourage many readers of all ages to feel more confident in embracing who they are at their core, and in seeking out things that align with their values, rather than what they are told they should value.
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𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵, 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘺 𝘪𝘵.
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I definitely recommend Jeffrey Marsh's book to all readers, and highly recommend following their content on social media. Jeffrey's videos are a great source of comfort to many, and if you read How To Be You, I hope you find comfort from it to.
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𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥. 𝘓𝘦𝘵'𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦.
May 15, 2020
During this quarantine time, I lost my lifestyle that I love and I lost myself too. I straight to the book shop and found this book. Jefferey organised the structure of this book very well. The steps he gave us to follow are very practical and helpful to remind who we are, and bring the attention to yourself more than others.
The book emphasises that we have to stay connected with ourselves and feel good about it. That’s the key of happiness. Of course there are tons of problems out there but if we know how we can get back on track, we can go through all the problems. Believe in you. Do what you enjoy, exercise, eat good food, meditation and do creative things are examples of what he suggests us to follow when you get lost. Give sometime to ourselves to be back who you are. I found it’s very helpful although there are so many personal stories.
The book emphasises that we have to stay connected with ourselves and feel good about it. That’s the key of happiness. Of course there are tons of problems out there but if we know how we can get back on track, we can go through all the problems. Believe in you. Do what you enjoy, exercise, eat good food, meditation and do creative things are examples of what he suggests us to follow when you get lost. Give sometime to ourselves to be back who you are. I found it’s very helpful although there are so many personal stories.
July 5, 2019
This book may take some time to understand in some places because it isn't your typical self-help book. It truly takes a new standpoint on authenticity and how to attain that while also caring for oneself. Jeffrey Marsh certainly has a unique perspective that they built up throughout their life, and it offers a sense of validation and self-trust that not many other books have given me. I found the book to be very unique and very worth the read. It's a good book to grab when going through a rough patch and I cry every time I read. I think this book could be worth your while, especially if you're going through an identity crisis or something similar.
May 17, 2023
I think the only people who can enjoy this book are Jeffrey Marsh’s followers, because it’s incredibly vapid and redundant. Marsh is a grifter who rose to fame through telling people what they want to hear; empty platitudes that Jeffrey recycles in different words to keep the grift alive.
Jeffrey has no training or credentials in counseling, so his advice while sounding good on the surface is actually quite toxic. Please avoid this book if you’re looking for advice or if you’re looking for something substantive
Jeffrey has no training or credentials in counseling, so his advice while sounding good on the surface is actually quite toxic. Please avoid this book if you’re looking for advice or if you’re looking for something substantive
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